Holy Matri-Money

When it comes to finances, Marriage Partnership couples have plenty to say about their spending habits and attitudes.

By Kate Bryant

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When my husband, Paul, and I went through pre-marital counseling nearly 20 years ago, our pastor told us something surprising—the number one reason couples get divorced is financial disagreement. I found this difficult to believe, but as we settled into married life, started a family, purchased a home, accumulated debt, and felt the pull of financial tension, our pastor's statement didn't seem that far fetched. "It's absolutely true—and documented," says Christian financial counselor Dave Ramsey. "The arguments may not appear to be directly about money; ultimately you're fighting about priorities, values, dreams, trust. But it's all linked with finances."

Pastor Rich's premarital counseling was good for Paul and me—products of the Baby Boom—to hear. Our parents' generation had enjoyed great prosperity after World War II, but they also saw the genesis of credit cards and had no idea how enslaving they could become. In fact, when I graduated from college and got my first job, my father gave me this advice: "Get a credit card from a major store like Sears. Make a fairly large purchase—such as a TV—then pay it all off the next month. That way you'll establish a good credit rating for yourself." Well-intentioned, says Ramsey, but bad advice "unless you want to be in bondage to credit for the rest of your life."

"The very process of establishing a workable budget can help a hurting marriage simply because of the level of communication and cooperation it takes."
—Dave Ramsey

The credit card was a luscious answer to Americans' hunger for convenience and has become a staple of our financial diet. The problem with convenience is that it makes it too easy for us to redefine necessity. Mark Stevens, a systems administrator, says, "My wife and I used to use them for convenience, but lately they feel like more of a necessity to get from one paycheck to the next." Today, according to a 2004 PBS "Frontline" report, "The Secret History of the Credit Card," the average American has eight credit cards and owes more than $8,000 in credit card debt. No wonder countless marriages have fallen apart because of financial tension!

But there's good news. Last fall, Marriage Partnership surveyed nearly 2,900 married people about their finances. If the financial attitudes and practices of our survey's respondents are any indication, the tide is slowly turning, and married couples are starting to guard against financial and marital doom.

What's mine is yours …

Most couples take a partnership approach to handling their money. In two thirds of U.S. married couples, as well as our survey respondents, both spouses are employed. Perhaps that's one reason why MP couples see the money as "ours" versus "yours" and "mine." Even though the majority of the husbands in these dual-income households bring home the larger paycheck, our respondents feel that both spouses should have equal input into financial matters. In fact, 56 percent of them answered "equal" or "depends on the topic/situation" when asked which of them has the better financial judgment, and in half of all the marriages represented, the wife handles the day-to-day finances. Even in households where only one spouse is employed, 6 out of 10 report no feelings of resentment that one of the spouses does not bring home a paycheck.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2006, Spring, Page 30

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