Money Changes Everything

Daryl and Angela never argued about money—until they had some

Annette LaPlaca

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All couples have disagreements about finances—what to save, how to spend. Research indicates that it's more common for spouses to fight about money than about sex or in-laws. Daryl and Angela Dickhudt, of Bloomfield Township, Michigan, believe the statistics. In ten years of married life, finances have proved to be their biggest relationship hurdle. And, believe it or not, their troubles began after they became financially comfortable.

Poor, but Happy

Neither Daryl nor Angela was working when they married soon after graduating from Kalamazoo College. "We had this happy-go-lucky attitude," Angela says. "Our parents were more scared than we were."

Daryl got the first job he applied for—as a computer programmer. Angela, who had planned on entering the corporate world, ended up overseeing maintenance of executive vehicles at the Saturn headquarters while pursuing her MBA—in finance. The Dickhudts lived on a shoestring, like most newlyweds, and were perfectly happy.

"Back then our goal was to have a house," says Daryl. "Meeting that goal together was great."

"We also promised each other when we got married that we'd spend our five-year anniversary in Greece," Angela says. "And we did that. But after that we didn't have any specific goals for our money."

The big disagreements over finances came later, after Daryl's first promotion, which came with a significant salary increase. So how did two knowledgeable, happily married people end up struggling over money?

"In the early years, we didn't charge at all—because we couldn't," says Angela. "And you wouldn't believe the amount we saved in relation to what we were earning. But we were used to doing without luxuries, and we had goals. It seemed like when we were given little, we did amazing things with it. But when we were given lots, we got sloppy, careless."

The Price of Success

"Daryl was blessed with great salary increases," Angela says, "and we fell right into that 'keeping up with the Joneses' thing. 'So-and-so lives in that neighborhood; so can we.' Of course, we never stopped to think that 'the Joneses' are probably charging everything!"

Daryl puts the problem simply: "We had a hard time telling ourselves 'no' or 'wait.' Remember the Jeep?"

Angela laughs. "We drove rotten cars all through college and into our marriage," she explains. "Daryl's car was falling apart. We had to kick the door to open it. The windows wouldn't roll down. And the second we found out he was getting promoted, we ran right out and got a red Jeep Cherokee. We didn't wait to save a good down payment. The Jeep was the beginning of our slide into, well, pride. Into comparisons and overspending."

That first promotion doubled their income, and within a couple of years they were making about three times the amount they brought in as newlyweds. Daryl is still with the same company he started with ten years ago, working as a computer consultant helping large companies change their computer systems and create business strategies.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1998, Summer

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