What Fighting About Money Will Cost You
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[0 Comment]Most couples, when asked if they argue about money, will reply, "We really don't fight about money, we just have occasional disagreements."
Yeah, right.
When my husband, Bob, and I were newly married he (the born spender) went into an electronics store to purchase batteries and came out with a new VCR. We were $40K in debt and barely had enough money to buy groceries. When he came home to show his "trophy" to his new bride (the born saver) do you think I rejoiced?
But did we fight about his irresponsible, compulsive, and selfish, not to mention less-than-brilliant decision to drop $500 on a new VCR when we didn't even own a TV? Nah. We just had a mild "disagreement."
Not really.
Research indicates that couples who argue the most about money often end up accruing greater debt, and consequently have less in savings. Check out these tension-filled scenarios and their solutions.
HE SAYS: "I make a good living, I can buy a new power tool if I want one."
SHE SAYS: "Want is the operative word here; you don't use the power tools you have now!"
REALITY CHECK: Everyone likes to spend money with a certain amount of freedom. While you may have a better grip on this kind of spending than your spouse does, the desire to spend money the way you want is natural—it makes you neither good nor bad. It's what you do with this desire that counts.
SAVINGS SCHEME: If this "luxury spending" is budgeted into your monthly allocations, then there's no need to fight over how this money is used. Set up two "luxury" funds—one for each of you. Your "luxury" money is yours to do with as you want. You may choose to buy a spa session and your spouse may purchase a year's supply of Jelly Bellys®. No arguments needed.
HE SAYS: "We need to fund our Roth IRAs before we make any other kind of investment or expenditure."
SHE SAYS: "But you promised we could go to Hawaii this year!"
REALITY CHECK: According to Barbara Stenimetz, a financial planner in Burlingame, CA, tension mounts between partners partly because of poor communication. "It usually happens because the two people involved aren't on the same page. One spouse thinks they have a shared goal of saving for a house, car, or retirement, and the other doesn't."
SAVINGS SCHEME: Schedule a meeting to talk about your financial goals. Make sure you're relaxed and have ample time. Plan to go for the "win/win" deal in which each of you shares ownership in developing an overall savings plan. Instead of making the goal an "either/or" situation, strive for a creative way to save for both.
HE SAYS: "I didn't really spend that much money, it's just a little Harley. At least the motorcycle helmet was on sale!"
SHE SAYS: "I saw the loan booklet. If we make only the minimum payment each month, it will take until 2011 to pay off your 'little' spending spree!"
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2004, Summer
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