Managing Money Together

She Said: "He spent our money without telling me"; He Said: "I thought it was a good investment"

by Lisa Preuett

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Lisa's side: He spent our money without telling me.

A few months into our marriage, Jim excitedly told me about a home-based business a friend had mentioned. The business consisted of selling new weight loss products on the Internet.

"We have to invest only $600 to get started, and we don't have to do much work to make a profit," Jim said confidently.

I was hesitant about taking money out of our savings for something we knew so little about.

"Let's take some time to think and decide later," I responded.

About a week later, as I was updating our checking account, I came across a receipt that showed Jim had paid the investment fee for the business three days earlier. How could he do this? We'd agreed to wait!

My anger built as I waited for him to come home from work.

"How could you go behind my back and spend this money?" I yelled. "I thought we were going to discuss this and decide together!" I expected Jim to apologize or give me a rational explanation. Instead, he clammed up.

"Well?" I demanded. "Don't you have anything to say?"

"I won't talk to you about this when you're yelling at me!" he snapped.

We didn't speak for several days.

What did he expect after he betrayed me? I had every right to yell!

Jim's side: I thought it was a good investment.

I feel responsible for our financial future, so I'm always on the lookout for ways to supplement our income. When a business associate told me about her new home-based business, it sounded like a great idea. I couldn't wait to tell Lisa about it and get involved immediately. But because she was apprehensive, I agreed to wait until we could discuss things further.

But a few days later, while out of town on business, I ran into this business associate again. She warned that I had to act immediately if Lisa and I were to benefit from this great deal. The initial investment fee was about to increase by $200, and the deadline to pay the lower fee was that day. Although I'd promised Lisa I wouldn't act until we talked things through, I didn't want to discuss it over the phone. Not only does Lisa's job as a teacher make it difficult to speak with her during the day, I thought she'd respond better face to face. Anyway, I was sure she'd want to save $200! I decided I'd explain it to her when I got home two days later. She'd understand once she knew the situation.

Before I could explain, though, she found the receipt and attacked me with heated criticism. I was so offended and hurt I didn't want to talk to her until she calmed down. While I knew I owed her an explanation, I just couldn't do it when she was angry.

What Jim and Lisa did

After a few days of strained silence, Lisa approached Jim. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I felt as though you betrayed my trust," she confessed. "When you wouldn't talk to me, I just became angrier. I need to know why you made that decision without consulting me."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2005, Spring, Page 20

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