Budget Wars
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[0 Comment]I get more mileage out of a quarter than a Hyundai gets out of a gas can. You see, I'm a born saver. I started saving money so early in life that by the time I was twelve years old I saved enough money to fund a trip to Spain to visit my cousins. I took three rolls of film with me and only took six pictures, thereby "saving" two-and-a-half rolls. Okay, I guess I used to be a little compulsive about saving. I know how to save money so well that I built a career around teaching others how to do things like feed a family of seven for only $250 a month, pay down debt, and establish a workable family budget.
My husband, Bob, however, is a born spender. When he was a kid, his paper route money never even saw the inside of his pocket. This pattern continued into his adult years, when he became a fighter pilot in the Air Force. He could still spend money faster than his Stealth F-117 could go from zero to 500 mph. For you Air Force novices, that's pretty fast.
So what happened when this spender landed in the life of a saver and swept her off her feet? Well, I'll put it this way: Bob decided that he'd rather dodge flying missiles in Baghdad than come home and tell me he forgot to use the coupon on the pizza he brought home for dinner. In our early marriage, Bob unceremoniously deemed "budget" the "B" word. The mere mention of that word sent him scrambling.
Now, don't get me wrong. Bob and I have a lot in common. We both enjoy gourmet coffee and dark chocolate, and we like moving often with the military. When we fly, both of us also like to rate the airline pilot's landing on a scale of one to ten. Amazingly, we always rate the landings the same (most pilots average a seven). As a matter of fact, we agreed on just about everything when we got married—except for money. And yet, we wanted to manage our finances as well as we rated a pilot's landing.
Bob and I are not the only couple with contrasting viewpoints when it comes to money. Finances are mentioned as the number one topic couples argue about in marriage and are cited for most divorces. Money matters can be a real problem, even if two "savers" are married to each other because they still have to decide on their financial goals and priorities. We found that an effective tool to work out our financial differences was that dreaded "B" word—a budget.
Bob and I knew that if we didn't get a firm grip on our extreme approaches to money, we'd have to face some ugly consequences one day. Our spending consequences would include juggling bills and nasty calls from bill collectors while an over-emphasis on saving would only cause stress on our marriage. As the saver, I had to adjust my expectations for Bob. Was it reasonable for me to demand he lunch at McDonald's only on Tuesdays when they give free super-sizing? Yes, but we both needed to get a grip.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2001, Summer
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