A Work in Progress
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They mocked me for months. Every morning when I raised the blinds and looked out the window, I saw them. It was almost like they were winking: one Adirondack chair was a deep brick red; the other was white. White primer, to be exact.
We had not run out of red paint. My husband, Pete, had simply run out of daylight on the day he'd planned to paint both. And there they sat, still waiting for Pete to find another day to finish the job.
After 16 years of marriage, I know I shouldn't harp on unfinished household projects, even on those sunny Saturdays when he's playing video games or watching college football. I've heard enough sermons on marriage to know that nagging from me, though it might get the job done, also discourages and alienates my husband. I'd rather have mismatched chairs than a discouraged husband.
Or would I?
As much as I might resolve to leave the man in peace, my resolve has an expiration date. Ultimately, the day comes when I can't (won't) take it anymore. This tends to coincide with an upcoming visit from an out-of-town guest. Or a potluck dinner at our house. Or anything that involves someone from the outside coming inside our house where they might witness the evidence of our … gasp! … imperfections.
And that day finally arrived for the chairs.
So I exploded. I whined. I scolded. It wasn't pretty.
Pete took it silently. And when I'd exhausted my venom, he disappeared outside. After a while, I looked out the window to see where he'd gone. He was kneeling by that one white chair, slowly turning it red.
Looking at My Own Stuff
There's no real joy in the fact that the chairs match now. In fact, when we had our family photos taken in the middle of the mismatched era, the photographer was thrilled at the contrast and used it to great effect in our portraits.
Truth be told, those chairs still mock me. Because now, when I open the blinds and see their lovely, homogenous red-ness, what I really see is my own nastiness. I recall that day of my self-righteous explosion.
How easy it is for me to take note of all that Pete leaves undone. But what about everything that I leave undone? How many times have my daughters had a no-panties crisis in the morning because I failed to get their laundry done when I'd planned? How many years have I been working on that Christmas cross-stitch that's gathering dust in my sewing basket? (Hint: enough years that there's a rust stain from the needle that's neatly slipped through a couple of holes, as if I'll get right back to it in a minute.) And what about my growing dresser-dust collection?
If you'll indulge my adjustments, Matthew 7:3–5 goes something like this: "Why do you look at the unpainted chair in your husband's eye and pay no attention to the dusty dresser in your own eye? How can you say to him, 'Get your fanny out there and paint that!' when all the time there is a mountain of laundry in your hamper? You hypocrite! Get your own chores done, and then you can help him with his!"
Related Topics:
Conflict, Partnership, Patience
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Sandi
I love how honest and real this is. I am guilty of the same, but slower to realize and admit it. :)
Duchess
Thanks for the reminder. We have been adding on to our home for TWELVE years. What has taken so long? It went faster before children when I could help; but after the kids came, time with family became more precious, and money became more scarce. We both have our "projects" that should get done, but ultimately I'm glad that time together takes precedence.
Dena
Aren't husbands fabulous? I love the point she makes that her husband has never once mentioned a certain project. My husband is so long-suffering with me and seldom complains about anything. They are such a joy to live with when you remember that. Thank you for this article. It made my day by reminding me of some of the good qualities about my husband.
Janet
Ouch alright!!! I am so guilty of doing this, whinging about all the things my husband hasn't finished and ignoring all the things I haven't finished. Thanks for the reminder to extend GRACE!!!
PETER NTAMU
There is a lot of truth in what the article reflect.Scudder Parker once said," people have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be - not what you nag them to be."I think there is better and a godly way of managing failure rather than thinking that "two wrongs make a right" While men may be slow and poor in completing certain house projects, this does not give women a licence to nag. Let all partners think of other ways of making sure things are done is instead of nagging. Collins, South African dictionnary defines nagging as 'complaining and worrying about something on a regular basis.'
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