Hope and Help for an Unexpected Pregnancy
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Sherry stood by the bathroom sink, eyes locked on a pregnancy test stick. She closed her eyes tightly for one last prayer: Please, God, no! Her military husband would be leaving for the Middle East soon; her eldest daughter was in a wheelchair. Finally, when she looked, a double pink line glowed in the tiny window of the wand. Positive! She burst into tears.
Nearly three million women a year greet the news of their pregnancies as Sherry did—not with joy or a cry of glee, but with tears, shock, and worry. Surprisingly, half will abort their babies. And while teen pregnancy seizes the headlines most frequently, unplanned pregnancy among married women can trigger crisis as well. The fears of bearing and raising another child can be so overwhelming that according to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, 27 percent of married women with unplanned pregnancies terminate their pregnancies. Even more sobering, research shows 13 percent—more than 150,000—of women who identify themselves as "born-again or evangelical Christians"—end their baby's lives each year.
This crisis is real not only for women, but for men as well. The added financial and emotional responsibilities of another child require adjustment for the entire family. And marriages feel the strain.
I know this crisis intimately. While in my 40s, with a completed family of four energetic children between the ages of 5 to 12 and a career as a college professor, I stood before the test stick—twice. Both times, despite careful contraception, the test was positive. God, what are you doing?
I cried each time, incredulous, stricken. I gave up my teaching position, my dream of retirement, and my hopes for an eventually quiet writing life. Yet today—three years after the birth of my second surprise child—I'm grateful for these children's presence and I count myself blessed.
if you or a married couple you know is going through an unexpected pregnancy, know this: Love and joy are possible at the other end. I speak not only from my life, but also from the lives of dozens of couples who have made the journey through unexpected pregnancies. Here are the most common fears we faced, and the hope we found along the way.
FEAR: How can we possibly start over?
If you have other children and have survived years of diapers, late-night feedings, upended oatmeal boxes, and potty training, it can be difficult to return to the chaos and dependence of an infant. "We felt complete as a family," remembers Crystal, who already had two daughters ages 5 and 7. So complete, in fact, that Crystal's husband had a vasectomy. That was in March. In April, she was pregnant. "The whole time I was pregnant, I only thought of the sleepless nights that were coming, the difficulties of nursing," she admits. "It all felt like giant steps backward."
Related Topics:
Abortion, Child-rearing, Marriage, Difficulty in, Pregnancy
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Cornelia Seigneur
Leslie - Thank you for sharing your story. Every child is a gift and I had my fifth at age 38. It is hard to give up promotions and jobs but the job of raising a child is the most important. Being there for your children. I am blessed to be able to work part time as a journalist and adjunct professor. Sounds like God is using your story to impact others.
springlet
No 3 was a surprize. If you put yourself in God's hands and challenge Him to have His will for you - you have to expect surprises. One I have not really regretted as so much has worked for good. I would never say that I would expect a child to love me back. That has to be earned and is not a good reason to have children. Parenting is a job for life and requires prayer and patience. I also volunteer to work with children and I know that respect is something you earn by your actions not your position.
Colleen
(See below, first) We've chosen to let God make that decision, even though it would be so very challenging. It's all in giving Him His rightful place and yes, it can be scary. You'll still feel the way you feel yet loving God is the sure way through. I've known couples aborting in marriage and their marriages didn't last due to the trauma. Surely that would not be the intended result? God is the giver of life and it is He who decides on the bearing of children. Trust him with your family size and you won't be sorry! It all comes down to who controls your life - you or your Lord. Those difficult times and sleepless nights can be the most precious time with Him. He will carry you through if you let him and embrace Him in your struggles. Difficulties are real and painful; He is the comforter and provider. God bless every parent and those who so desire to be parents. God's grace and forgiveness can also be yours if you've gone through the tragedy of abortion, in or outside of marriage.
Colleen
Understanding abortion, in all circumstances, is the taking of innocent life should be our guiding factor. Knowing that God has a purpose for the life He gives to us should give us the ability to receive that life through trusting in His sovereignty. That's where the rubber meets the road in our profession of Christian faith. The greatest blessing of marriage is to be open to new life - it's the calling of sex in marriage. I certainly understand the shock of unexpected pregnancy. I had two children before I married. THAT was tough! My family would be shy 6 people now if I hadn't kept them! I have 2 wonderful grandchildren and a third on the way! I knew that, even though my faith in Christ was immature, He'd take care of us. I met and incredible man that chose an instant family, simply by God's incredible grace. I'm 47 and I know I could still get pregnant. My husband and I have discussed our attitude on this - our youngest is 15 and we didn't start out with time alone before kids.
Grace
Life is interesting! I have been waiting for a child after I got married in 2008, but the child has not come yet. People encourate me pray like Hannah. I should pray for a child and believe God is gerneral. But sometimes I don't understand that why some people have children but they don't want to have and some people want to have children, bu it's not easy for them to have one. Does God care about all these things? I would like to have your comments about it. God bless.
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