Unemployed and Unnerved
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Two months after our second anniversary, my husband, Mark, decided to quit his job as a plumber in order to pursue real estate investing.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked.
"I've always wanted my own business. I know I can make this work," Mark assured me.
I worried about the risks: What if it doesn't work? What if I have to support the two of us forever? But I was equally excited—if things panned out the way Mark hoped, we'd never worry about money again.
With my blessing, Mark quit his job, and we invested nearly all our savings into setting up his real estate business. We took real estate investing classes, hired a lawyer to create an LLC, and had business cards and stationary printed. We relied on my income as a high school teacher to pay the bills, and implemented a strict budget that cut our grocery allowance in half and eliminated date nights, eating out, and movies. We even waited to turn on our air conditioner until the heat was unbearable.
Not long after we started our business, the real estate market tanked. For eight months Mark struggled to make the business work, but after a while he became discouraged.
"I'm not good at anything," he said.
He began to withdraw. Things we once enjoyed doing together, such as cooking and grocery shopping, I now did alone. I even ate my meals alone. Mark would eat quickly and excuse himself or not come to the table at all, saying he wasn't hungry. I felt rejected and lonely as my once hardworking, visionary husband was reduced to sitting on the couch, shades drawn, playing video games in the dark for hours. Sometimes he wouldn't even get dressed or shave. And he stopped working out—the hobby he was most passionate about.
Every once in a while I'd ask if he'd consider going back to plumbing. But he was adamantly opposed. Part of his decision related to the low pay, high stress, and uncomfortable working conditions. In addition, we'd moved from New Hampshire to Arizona. Arizona's plumbing regulations and techniques were vastly different from those in New Hampshire, where he'd first obtained his license. Mark considered himself a craftsman, and feeling he was surrounded by men whose only wish was to slap the job together as quickly as possible frustrated him.
Unfortunately, without returning to plumbing, Mark didn't have many options. A college degree plus a plumbing license meant he was too qualified, even for Home Depot.
I cried out in prayer countless times, "Please, God, provide Mark with a job." But no job came and Mark returned to the couch.
It broke my heart to watch him. I tried to be upbeat and positive. I made his favorite meals and repeatedly told him I loved him and believed in him. Each week I'd comb the classified ads, highlighting jobs I thought might interest Mark. But he met everything I did with an empty stare.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2009, Web-only
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My husband (an engineer) has been unemployed for 20 months. He, too, spends his days behind closed curtains, on the couch, playing computer games and posting to twitter. I took a second job at month 16 to make ends meet. I am tired, discouraged and fed up. I know that shaming him will get us nowhere. I also know that Jesus commands us to Love others as He loves us. Jesus does not forsake us when we are neglectful or hurtful towards Him, so I must be steadfast in my support for my husband. I pray every day for the strength to endure. May the Lord teach me to be both supportive and loving in my relationship with my husband, and may He teach me also to encourage him without alienating him.
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