Torn Between Two Lovers—Part 2
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In part 1 of this series, I shared that Brian (not his real name) and I had been married 13 when I became a Christian. That set our marriage on a road to potential disaster, as I desperately wanted him to share the newfound joy and life that I had. But he wasn't interested; he wanted his old wife back!
It brought such sadness whenever I read the apostle Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? … What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
For a long time I tried to save Brian myself—but with terrible results. Through many mistakes, I learned several lessons about love, respect, prayer, and wisdom when married to a spouse who doesn't share your faith.
In the previous article, I shared four of those lessons. Here are four more.
LESSON: It's okay to fly under the radar.
Prayer, personal study, worship, and fellowship are vital to cultivating an intimate relationship with God. But these are also activities that a non-Christian spouse may resent most. Tension builds as a spouse feels torn between spiritual growth and marital stability.
There's nothing I love more than filling our home with praise music or Scripture. However, when Brian comes home, I turn off the music and close my Bible. I call it "flying under the radar." This doesn't imply a life of duplicity or deception, but rather sensitivity to a man who may feel threatened otherwise. I never want to hide my spirituality, but I've found it's better to witness through my actions than to force Christianity on him. Flying under the radar has also been an opportunity for my children to observe me worship openly, yet witness silently at home. Both our children have accepted Christ as their Savior and they understand my strong conviction for the Lord. By showing them this submitted lifestyle, I convey respect for their father while honoring God.
Thanks to a fairly flexible work schedule, I can often meet with friends or attend Bible study while Brian is at work. I realize every woman doesn't have the advantage of flexibility, but I believe by asking God for "radar space," he'll provide times for personal growth. Without a doubt there will be conflicts, but it's God's desire for us to meet with him. By prayerfully asking for pockets of time, he will provide the opportunities (Mark 11:24).
LESSON: Your spouse still needs respect.
The Bible calls us to love and respect our mates (Ephesians 5:33). Even though it's a biblical mandate, unequally yoked couples often find it difficult to respect a spouse whose morals and values don't always agree with theirs. However, loss of respect will crumble a marriage and is devastating to a mate.
As a new Christian, I displayed my spiritual awakening with a flamboyance that Brian may have seen as arrogance. Looking back, I probably made him feel inferior because he didn't know Christ as I did. Without sensitivity, I even told him he was going to hell. Ouch! This attitude undermined my own purpose of introducing him to Jesus and showed a lack of respect on my part.
Related Topics:
faithfulness, God's, unequally yoked
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Martha Bush
Beautifully written. I relate so well to what you are saying.
tina
thanks
sammy
Thanks for this article. I truly believe that God led me to it. I pray that the hand of God Himself will make equal the unequal yoke, in Jesus name (Amen). It is like being caught between a rock and a hard place. But I believe that our God does not make mistakes.
Boyo Maurine
Please I will like to have the part one of the lesson on lovers apart. sincerely. the lessons are so real in my life and i cant thank God enough for this. it is has helped me to maintain good relationship with my husband despite our difference. Glory be to God that he is gradually seeig why he should join me in the fight of faith.
Not as happy as I would like to be
I am married to a christian man, but when I read this article it looks like it was written for me too. We've been married for over 20 years, and I notice that each of us have a different spiritual growth rate. In recent years I have had to submit to decisions he makes that do not match the Bible. It made me grow even closer to God. I have been asking God to help me respect my husband when I can not agree, when my husband decisions show he does not care about his wife and children, and when he chooses not to seek God nor obey His word. Even though I have been living in a very uncomfortable situation, I chose to put my trust in God, who is in control of everything. I know God sees my tears and He loves my children and I more than my husband does.
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