Torn Between Two Lovers—Part 1
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God's Word is usually comforting, but to a person whose spouse doesn't share the faith, the words in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 are heartbreaking: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? … What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?"
Obviously, you love your spouse. But the deep chasm of differing moral values, misunderstanding, rejection, and loneliness make marriage even more challenging than most. For the last seven years, I've found myself caught in this divine dilemma: torn between the love of my life and the Lover of my soul.
Brian (not his real name) and I were married 13 years and had two children when I accepted Jesus as my Savior. While being drawn intimately to the Lord, I experienced joy and excitement like I'd never known. My lifestyle began to change as I lived 2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come!"
But to Brian, something seemed fundamentally wrong with this Scripture! He liked the old creation, and I morphed into someone he didn't know. He believed in God, but felt I had taken "this thing" way too far. My weekdays became interspersed with Bible studies and ministry meetings, and weekends were filled with participation in church services. My taste in movies (among other things) changed, and I no longer wanted to drink alcohol or be with friends who did. In addition, I claimed to be in love with someone else! His name was Jesus, and to my husband, he seemed like a real threat to our marriage.
Brian began to feel abandoned and soon his justifiable feelings of jealousy and loneliness were projected as anger and resentment. He criticized my new friends, church activities, and books I read. Rejection hit every time he changed the radio from my favorite Christian station, and I felt guilt-ridden whenever I tithed or said "yes" to ministry opportunities. I began to lose respect for my husband and the empty places in our marriage grew until any attempt to communicate was strained. We were definitely unequally yoked.
Historically, the biblical illustration of being unequally yoked dates back to the time of Moses (Deuteronomy 22:10). A yoke is a wooden frame by which two draft animals are joined at the neck for working together. If animals of unequal size or strength are yoked together, the yoke will weigh heavily on one animal while choking the other.
Instead of pulling smoothly and painlessly together, the animals strain against the yoke as it pinches and burdens, making their labor strenuous.
And strenuous is exactly what our marriage became.
Though Brian didn't see the need to join me, I sought help through Christian counseling.
"I don't think I love my husband anymore," I told my counselor.
Related Topics:
faithfulness, God's, unequally yoked
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rose
I find the article intresting. I have somewhat struggled with my situation. I waited 11 yrs for my husband to get out of prison. during his incarceration i got saved and was delivered from many things including alcohol and cigarettes. my husband lied to me about being saved. When he got out i had two surgeries on my ankle and he was no where around. in the 18months that he was out he cheated on me he hit me and i finally gave him a choice on three different occassions to let the streets go and get his marriage in order with god and all three times he said no. i prayed and prayed he ended up leaving getting his own apartment changed his cell number and i don't know where he is or anything for 2months now. i dont feel i was wrong and according to the bible i can divorce got any advice?
becky
I loved this story and weeped when I read it. Kathy is just like me, I knew before I was married to my now husband of 3 yrs that I beleived in God and accepted him into my life and wanted to live for him, and I knew for certain how my boyfriend at the time felt about it, not good feeling's. I did not listen to God and was married to an unbeleiver something I knew was wrong, but now I am living all those consequences that kathy talked about going to church me and my daughter ALONE, he works all the time so I feel alone and abandoned most of the time, he accepts me going to church and has gone more than a couple times but has not accepted christ I just have to keep praying like Kathy and need to change my life because even though I go to church and love my lord I need to truly know him and start living it, please pray for me I need it and I am glad that Kathy put this story out, it makes me feel good to know that I am not the only one in this situation. God Bless BLA
Laurie %%var.lastname%%
I can relate to to Nikki...my husband claims to be a believer, but his actions, words and lifestyle contradict his claim. I think it's almost harder and more confusing because he will be a "believer" when it's convenient and a "non-believer" when the time presents itself. Yet, the minute we disagree, he attacks my belief in God, the church and Christians because he knows how hurtful that is to me. In as much as I know I have a responsibility to be a good Christian, I really do get tired of hearing that it is my responsibility to be the bigger person and the example....where is my husband's accountability? Why does he get to play both sides of the fence?
Yvette
First of all, your ministry was to your husband through Christ. I can understand why he felt alone and lonely because you replaced him with your church friends and just going to church period. Also, a true friend will be your friend for life, whether they are like you or not. Jesus did not separate himself from people who were not like him, he surrounded himself with them so that they can see how he was living, etc. Sometimes, we try to use church, scripture, etc for a scapegoat because in reality, we are not happy in our marriage at all. I pray that you get the understanding of marriage and what God expects of you as a wife.
mb
With God first for each individual coming together, the path leads one way to His will, but without fully surrendering there is an "I" or selfish tendency that may lead to separate paths. Having the same intention and understanding between partners promotes respect regardless of where each person is on their journey to becoming Christ like. Looking back, I see the blessings and protection that God provided as He was by my side all the time. Peace
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