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The day had come. I'd lasted as long as I could in my marriage. Once my husband, Bill, left for work, I packed a bag for myself and our 14-month-old son and left our home. It was the only year in our married life when we lived in the same town as my parents. Obviously the convenience of being able to run to Mom and Dad made my decision to leave Bill easier.

With a tear-stained, angry face, I walked into Mom's kitchen. She held the baby while I sobbed my declaration of independence. After washing my face and sipping a cup of coffee, Mom told me she and Dad would help me. They'd be there for me, which brought me great comfort.

"But before you leave Bill," she said, "I have one task for you to complete."

Mom put down my sleeping son, took a pen and sheet of paper, and drew a vertical line down the middle of the page. She told me to list in the left column all the things Bill did that made him impossible to live with. As I looked at the dividing line, I thought she'd then tell me to list all his good qualities on the right-hand side. I was determined to have a longer list of bad qualities on the left. This is going to be easy, I thought. I started immediately to scribble down the left column.

Bill never picked his clothes off the floor. He never told me when he was going outside. He slept in church. He had embarrassing, nasty habits such as blowing his nose or belching at the dinner table. He never bought me nice presents. He refused to match his clothes. He was tight with money. He wouldn't help with the housework. He didn't talk with me.

The list went on and on, until I'd filled the page. I certainly had more than enough evidence to prove that no woman would be able to live with this man.

Smugly I said, "Now I guess you're going to ask me to list all Bill's good qualities on the right side."

"No," Mom said. "I already know Bill's good qualities. Instead, for each item on the left side, I want you to write how you respond. What do you do?"

This was even tougher. I'd been thinking about Bill's few, good qualities I could list. I hadn't considered thinking about myself. I knew Mom wasn't going to let me get by without completing her assignment. So I had to start writing.

I'd pout, cry, and get angry. I'd be embarrassed to be with him. I'd act like a "martyr." I'd wish I'd married someone else. I'd give him the silent treatment. I'd feel I was too good for him. The list seemed endless.

When I reached the bottom of the page, Mom picked up the paper and went to the drawer. She took scissors and cut the paper down the vertical line. Taking the left column, she wadded it in her hand and tossed it into the trash. Then she handed me the right column with the list of my reactions.

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Well, my husband also snoozes in church. However, many times he works six days a week, over 10 hours a day in a structural steel shop. If he feels safe enough to snooze in church, then I'm there with him letting him rest. As for the rest, we need to focus on OUR annoying habits that our husbands many times never mention. And there's a HUGE difference between minor irritating habits and emotional and/or physical abuse. Please try to get a sense of proportion, folks. If you're being mentally or physically abused (and not just being annoyed because he belches or passes gas), then do what you have to do even if nobody else supports you. Stand up and do what's right, already, especially if there are children involved! Stop going with the feeeeeelings.

As a husband I enjoyed the story as well. We must not forget that we all have bad habits that annoy each other. I am sure if your mother would have asked your husband to list your faults you would have been surprised. It is justa a reminder that we all must strive to live in peace as Christ showed us.

Thanks so much for this article i have been married for 13months now,and i honestly cannot tell you how many times i have been tempted to leave my marriage. I can relate to some of those many annoying in your husband, because my husband has similar annoying habits,while i have really been inspired by your article, i also trust God to change my husband,and for grace to be patient and be a virtuous woman while He works on Him. I also agree with Jean,men have to equally take responsibility as head of the home,and take responsibility for their actions,God bless your wonderful mother and God bless your family.

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