The Day I Left My Marriage
The day had come. I'd lasted as long as I could in my marriage. Once my husband, Bill, left for work, I packed a bag for myself and our 14-month-old son and left our home. It was the only year in our married life when we lived in the same town as my parents. Obviously the convenience of being able to run to Mom and Dad made my decision to leave Bill easier.
With a tear-stained, angry face, I walked into Mom's kitchen. She held the baby while I sobbed my declaration of independence. After washing my face and sipping a cup of coffee, Mom told me she and Dad would help me. They'd be there for me, which brought me great comfort.
"But before you leave Bill," she said, "I have one task for you to complete."
Mom put down my sleeping son, took a pen and sheet of paper, and drew a vertical line down the middle of the page. She told me to list in the left column all the things Bill did that made him impossible to live with. As I looked at the dividing line, I thought she'd then tell me to list all his good qualities on the right-hand side. I was determined to have a longer list of bad qualities on the left. This is going to be easy, I thought. I started immediately to scribble down the left column.
Bill never picked his clothes off the floor. He never told me when he was going outside. He slept in church. He had embarrassing, nasty habits such as blowing his nose or belching at the dinner table. He never bought me nice presents. He refused to match his clothes. He was tight with money. He wouldn't help with the housework. He didn't talk with me.
The list went on and on, until I'd filled the page. I certainly had more than enough evidence to prove that no woman would be able to live with this man.
Smugly I said, "Now I guess you're going to ask me to list all Bill's good qualities on the right side."
"No," Mom said. "I already know Bill's good qualities. Instead, for each item on the left side, I want you to write how you respond. What do you do?"
This was even tougher. I'd been thinking about Bill's few, good qualities I could list. I hadn't considered thinking about myself. I knew Mom wasn't going to let me get by without completing her assignment. So I had to start writing.
I'd pout, cry, and get angry. I'd be embarrassed to be with him. I'd act like a "martyr." I'd wish I'd married someone else. I'd give him the silent treatment. I'd feel I was too good for him. The list seemed endless.
When I reached the bottom of the page, Mom picked up the paper and went to the drawer. She took scissors and cut the paper down the vertical line. Taking the left column, she wadded it in her hand and tossed it into the trash. Then she handed me the right column with the list of my reactions.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2009, January/February, Vol. 31, Issue 1, Page 28
Related Topics:
Communication, Conflict, Divorce, Marriage, Parents, Trust
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Ali
It's good to know that there are still people out there who work for patch ups rather than incouraging seperation which is a part of westernization/modernization. You can be happy with only one life partner or you can spend your life with 10 partners and can never ever be happy because you don't want to change yourself.
joy
Your story has touched my life. Ive been thinking of leaving my husband, but I now realise that I also have not been responding well. I need to reexamine myself in Gos's eyes! Thank you for being a blessing.
blessing robert
there is no impossible case with God, as far as God Himself is concern. Try God He will see you through and also heal your husband.
TOYIN
the story is indeed useful in taking decision that affect marriage.
Cindi
I just ate a piece of humble pie, and it doesn't taste very sweet. I recently made some comments to my mother about leaving my marriage of 18 years. It was over something that he did that was inconsiderate of my feelings, nothing worth leaving over, but since its been a lifetime of this type of behavior with him I assumed I had the right to say those words. I now realize I need to take a look within myself and make changes within me. Thank you God for your subtle way of leading me in a much better place. God is simply the most loving. I certainly don't deserve his awesome gifts!
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