Forbidden Fruit
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The shiny BMW motorcycle startled me as it rumbled into my parents' driveway and stopped beside my husband and me. In disbelief, I watched John,* a high-school boyfriend from more than 20 years ago, dismount and remove his helmet. After a confusion of hugs and handshakes, John insisted I not let his surprise visit disrupt the after-dinner walk with my family we were just beginning. Instead, he invited himself along.
Strolling through the neighborhood, my dad and children engaged John in spirited conversation while I tried to silently subdue muttered questions from my husband, Rob: "Who is this guy? Why is he here? When is he leaving?"
Married to me 15 years, Rob had no knowledge of this teenage fling. After all, high school days were long gone and besides, John and I had never gotten "serious" in our year of dating. Consequently, long before my marriage to Rob and the birth of our two children, I'd put away thoughts of John, never expecting to encounter him again, especially without warning.
Yet now, I felt surprisingly guilty for the mild attraction and intrigue surfacing in my mind after his reappearance. And I found myself hoping Rob might be jealous. It had been far too long since we shared any kind of stimulating conversation, fun, or even a simple declaration of admiration or appreciation.
Famished for Fun
Forty pounds heavier since marriage, I'd given up expecting compliments or kindness from my slim, disciplined husband. Instead, I'd learned to fend off insults, impatience, or indifference. Rob only seemed to notice my appearance after a haircut. Then he'd say, "Why did you ruin your hair? I liked it how it was before." (News to me!) If I came home from work later than he did, he'd bellow, "When are we going to eat?" My attempts to greet him with a kiss would meet rebuffs: "You have lipstick on" or "I'm too hot and sweaty. I can't hug you right now."
Although Rob's comments and behavior weren't abusive, his complaints and negativity wore me down. When I suggested doing a fun or different activity, Rob would question: "How much will that cost?" or "Why would I want to do that crazy thing?"
I tried to accept Rob's melancholy personality. After all, he provided for the family, kept the cars running and the house repaired, and made wise decisions. He was a model of consistency and dependability that many women long for in their husbands. He was just allergic to fun. Unfortunately, I was famished for it.
So after our evening walk, when John turned to me and asked, "Wanna ride on my motorcycle?" I said yes. I saw the challenge in John's eyes and the warning in my husband's. But I reasoned a momentary fling into the wind wouldn't do any harm.
I clambered on the seat behind him and away we went, "just around the block."
Once around the corner and out of sight, however, John slowed down, grabbed my left hand clasped around his waist, and pulled it against his chest. Then he turned his head just enough for me to hear him say, "You know, I've always loved you. I was a fool to let you go."
Related Topics:
Adultery, Affair, Communcation, with Spouse, Conviction
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Elle
Thank you for sharing. This is a very useful article. I admire your strength and ability to talk with your husband. I am struggling with temptation, and I don't know if I could share it with my husband. I would be afraid of doing more damage to an already hurting relationship. I am prayerful that God will keep me strong and always provide the way out.
JS
Thank you for sharing this. I needed to hear that I'm not alone in what I feel. Unfortunately, I fell to temptation and am finding unconditional grace and love in my husband as we work toward our hard road of forgiveness and learning to trust again. I wish I would have had your strength.
Cathy Cantu
Good story, but I truly believe the way your husband reacted is not "real life." I don't know ANY man who would've reacted that way, Christian or not. I think your husband's reaction was out of the norm. I'm happy for you, but most women would have to deal with intense anger from their husbands. Most women would have to beg for forgiveness and work very hard to regain his trust and affection - maybe even be "thrown out" for a while. You are very blessed.
SW
I appreciate your transparency. It will help other wives dealing with similar struggles - including me. I,too, am famished for love and life in my marriage. James 3:16
SL
what a great story! I thought it was great that you used Gods word and just plane common sense by asking your co-worker to be in the room with you. I believe it takes courage to open up to others and ask for help. And also to do the right thing when you dont feel like it. Thank you for being so honest and giving us hope that we too can overcome.
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