The Death of a Dream
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"I need to get a referral, please. My husband and I have been trying to have a family for more than a year and things don't seem to be working."
"So, you're infertile," the voice on the other end of the phone stated.
"Well, I don't know about that. Things just haven't happened as quickly as we thought."
"If you've been trying for more than a year without getting pregnant, you're infertile."
There it was. We were infertile.
I thought infertile was the label you received once all of the testing was completed and the medical personnel determined that it was impossible for you to conceive a child. This was too early in the game.
My mind said, We aren't infertile, we just need a little help. But it was too late. I'd already heard the nurse say the word. We were infertile.
The Process Begins
When my husband and I married, we made a deal: We'd wait five years before starting a family. Five years would allow us to start our careers, be on better financial footing, and have time just for us. So when the moratorium passed, with anticipation, I stopped using birth control.
After 12 months of not taking the Pill and still buying tampons, I started to research the subject. "Eight-five percent of couples trying to conceive will become pregnant within one year." Red flag. We were already past that.
Up to this point, we hadn't shared with anyone our difficulty in conceiving. None of our friends or family even knew we were "trying." My husband and I rarely mentioned it, even in our private moments. The subject, full of questions and emotions, was too unknown even to discuss. We kept hoping aloud that soon we would find a "bundle of joy" on its way. But my concern grew as several of our couple friends started joining the ranks of parenthood and recounted their stories of "one time" conceptions.
After much discussion and prompting, my husband had a basic semen analysis. Inconclusive results and poor advice from a well-meaning physician saying, "Things are just moving a little slow. Have patience," led to six additional months of thinking, It will happen.
Now we were sitting in a small conference room as a reproductive specialist reviewed our answers to the most personal questions I'd ever been asked: Frequency of intercourse per week? Use of lubricants? Does your husband ejaculate in the vagina during intercourse? Does the semen leak out when you stand? Is intercourse painful to you or your partner? Is your sex drive normal? Do you experience orgasms?
This specialist's field of medicine changed how we looked at ourselves and each other. Having a baby suddenly went from "pink and blue" to numbers and days and test tubes. All the magic was gone.
We reviewed the list of tests we'd be taking. We'd already completed the easy ones like taking my temperature. This list was something entirely different. It was full of foreign words, embarrassing situations, and scary concepts: dye in my Fallopian tubes, post-coital evaluations, and injecting semen into hamster eggs. I was full of disbelief as the first of many vials of blood was drawn. We began the process.
Related Topics:
Disappointments, Grief, Infertility
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uchewoke
It takes the grace of God to walk thru d fires of life.He gives strength to d weak and hope to d hopeless and He is the lifter of our heads.Prayerfully consider d option of adoption and u will hear what is d will of God in this option. God bless u.
sam
i thank god for this wonderful piece of advice. we as a family are grappling with the same problem with no relief at near sight. my initiation for using infertility drugs and seeking medical direction was slow which added guilt to the already painful situation we are encountering now. any way as per the hope expressed here a third partner is always there to assuage us, taking things to a logical conclusion which we are unable to grapple. the lords people who reads this please pray for us for seeing the lords hand and to derive comfort from this painful circumstance
brendah
My dear friend and sister inthe Lord, thank you for the wonderfull testimony. they that over came did so by the blood of the lamb and word of heir testimony.keep your hope and trust in the Lord God almighty and one day! you will burst with praise to the Lord in thanks giving . Will surely remember you in prayer. may it comfort you to know that you are not alone. Keep the hope .
P
I believe that God does miracles, but I would be very carefull to say that God will do it for you, as I heard about quite few people, that were hurt because they waited for miracle and nothing happened. We went through a similar experience like you, but after some years of trying and with the help of doctors, and of course by the grace of God,we finally conceived. First child died before it was born after 16 weeks of pregnancy, but the next one is alive for the glory of God... We met other couples, that were trying to conceive, and to some happened a special thing-when they gave up trying and went on to adopt a child, suddenly they conceived themselves!!! The experience is, that the struggle to have a child many times is the problem himself. I know that it is a hard thing to do, but in my opinion the best thing to do is to give everything up to God and let His will be done. Nobody knows what His plan is, but we can trust Him , that He wants the best for us. God bless you.
A
I'm all for encouragement, but PLEASE be careful about making promises to this couple on God's behalf. God does not exist to make us happy and satisfy EVERY one of our needs. Sometimes what we consider unfair is just what God intended to happen to make us more like Him. REST in His PERFECT PLAN FOR YOU WHATEVER THAT MAY BE!
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