When Your Husband Struggles with Depression
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Several years ago, my husband, Holmes, began skipping meals and losing weight, eventually 25 pounds within three months. His laid-back, somewhat pensive temperament turned irritable and moody. Although he typically was quiet about his feelings, Holmes became increasingly withdrawn and didn't seem to enjoy things anymore.
I knew Holmes was encountering tough times as a homebuilder in a flagging economy and a tanking stock market. But I kept hoping he'd perk up if he got another construction job. In the meantime, being ever the encourager, I tried everything I could think of to cheer him up. I pointed out all the positive things he did, such as being a great dad or helping other people. I encouraged Holmes to look ahead to a family trip we'd planned, but that didn't help, either. As the months rolled into years, neither my encouraging words nor my hard work to take up the slack in our income seemed to make a difference.
In 1995, roughly seven years after I first noticed my husband's struggles, our pastor realized from a conversation with Holmes that he was suicidal. He immediately made Holmes an appointment with a doctor who diagnosed him as having clinical depression. The physician told us Holmes probably had been depressed for years. Situational depression caused by the crushing pressures of Holmes's declining building business in the late 1980s, compounded by a genetic predisposition to clinical depression on both sides of his family, had pushed him to the edge. Perhaps if I'd known the clues, Holmes could have gotten help before his depression had become full-blown.
I've discovered I'm not the only woman who's experienced life with a depressed husband. With an unstable economy and corporate meltdowns, depression in males is on the rise. That means countless wives face the challenge of trying to help a spouse who's in emotional turmoil. But depression doesn't have to bring down your entire family. There is help, there is hope, and there are ways you can support your spouse—and yourself.
Caring for Your Husband
If the dark cloud of depression overtakes your spouse, how can you help him?
Recognize the signs. It's important to distinguish between situational depression triggered by something such as a job layoff or demotion, and clinical depression. Situational depression involves some of the same symptoms of clinical depression (see below), but they're of shorter duration and lower intensity. For example, if your husband's depression is caused by discouragement over a job loss, within six months he should regroup, recover his enjoyment of life, and move on. However, according to Michael Navarro, a licensed psychotherapist, clinical depression's symptoms are more pronounced and last far longer. The absence of pleasure in the activities your husband once enjoyed is greater; his malaise, anger, or weight loss more substantial.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2003, September/October, Vol. 25, Issue 5, Page 68
Related Topics:
Depression, Depression, Signs of, Healing, Help, Asking for, Marriage, Difficulty in, Praise, Suicide, Therapy
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Theresa Renee
My Fiancee is going though and it is really taking a toll on me. It's wearing me out and down. I am really appreciative for this article that it is supposed to be hard at least I know that going in. I am not going anywhere I just needed to know how to approach the situation. Loving him and encouraging him to get help seems like a start.
Scott
Living with a depressive partner can be hard!
Anto
My husband suffer of depression since he was 18, He came from a family who really doesn't' care about him. I tried several times to asked for help but they denied. I feel so sad to see him in that way. He is acting strange, no hope, very aggressive, his mood change and he doesn't want to get help. I wish I can do more for him but he gets mad at me when I have to tell him to take his medicine. He tried to committed suicide twice, I feel lost. Please for us.
Janelle Privratsky
Wow! This article is so encouraging. My husband of 8 months just approached me last week and told me that he thinks that he needs help, and he thinks he is depressed. I am currently waiting for a counselor to call me back to get him into an appointment to get the healing process started. My husband graduated with his degree in business a couple of years ago, and has not been able to find a career because of the bad economy. He feels failure, and disappointment in himself. It is so hard as a woman not to take the depression personally...It's not that he is not happy with our marriage, it is just that he is not happy with the direction of his life. Please keep us in your prayers through this healing process. Thank you!
loretta
Please pray my husband gets help for his depression. He is angry, anxious, irritable and aggressive. He also was a laid back, loving, warm, good-natured man. He is a contractor out of work, feeling low self worth, etc...he turns it outward towards everyone and blames, blames blames!!!! Then he turns it inwards to self-pity. He is just a shell of the man I met...he looks familiar, but no one I know...doesn't know if he wants to be married, confused, although he says his feelings for me haven't changed. We've been married 22 yrs. He had 24 years sobriety and went out and drank. This is so serious..the Lord needs to show up. I love him so very much, but need to take care of myself and family..please pray for recovery.
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