When Your Husband Struggles with Depression
Several years ago, my husband, Holmes, began skipping meals and losing weight, eventually 25 pounds within three months. His laid-back, somewhat pensive temperament turned irritable and moody. Although he typically was quiet about his feelings, Holmes became increasingly withdrawn and didn't seem to enjoy things anymore.
I knew Holmes was encountering tough times as a homebuilder in a flagging economy and a tanking stock market. But I kept hoping he'd perk up if he got another construction job. In the meantime, being ever the encourager, I tried everything I could think of to cheer him up. I pointed out all the positive things he did, such as being a great dad or helping other people. I encouraged Holmes to look ahead to a family trip we'd planned, but that didn't help, either. As the months rolled into years, neither my encouraging words nor my hard work to take up the slack in our income seemed to make a difference.
In 1995, roughly seven years after I first noticed my husband's struggles, our pastor realized from a conversation with Holmes that he was suicidal. He immediately made Holmes an appointment with a doctor who diagnosed him as having clinical depression. The physician told us Holmes probably had been depressed for years. Situational depression caused by the crushing pressures of Holmes's declining building business in the late 1980s, compounded by a genetic predisposition to clinical depression on both sides of his family, had pushed him to the edge. Perhaps if I'd known the clues, Holmes could have gotten help before his depression had become full-blown.
I've discovered I'm not the only woman who's experienced life with a depressed husband. With an unstable economy and corporate meltdowns, depression in males is on the rise. That means countless wives face the challenge of trying to help a spouse who's in emotional turmoil. But depression doesn't have to bring down your entire family. There is help, there is hope, and there are ways you can support your spouse—and yourself.
Caring for Your Husband
If the dark cloud of depression overtakes your spouse, how can you help him?
Recognize the signs. It's important to distinguish between situational depression triggered by something such as a job layoff or demotion, and clinical depression. Situational depression involves some of the same symptoms of clinical depression (see below), but they're of shorter duration and lower intensity. For example, if your husband's depression is caused by discouragement over a job loss, within six months he should regroup, recover his enjoyment of life, and move on. However, according to Michael Navarro, a licensed psychotherapist, clinical depression's symptoms are more pronounced and last far longer. The absence of pleasure in the activities your husband once enjoyed is greater; his malaise, anger, or weight loss more substantial.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2003, September/October, Vol. 25, Issue 5, Page 68
Related Topics:
Depression, Depression, Signs of, Healing, Help, Asking for, Marriage, Difficulty in, Praise, Suicide, Therapy
More from Cheri Fuller:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to hundreds of other articles for thoughtful, influential women
- The monthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 20 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
downloadable guides
Prayer and Meditation
Cultivating a deeper relationship with God.
Ministering to Working Women
How your women's ministry can better meet the needs of women who work outside the home.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Displaying 1–5 of 15 comments.
See all comments
margo
Please Johann,please I beg you.She is not the cause of her husband's depression.I am a nurse and I witness depressed patients every day..... there is a chemical imbalance with depression.If Holmes had diabetes,would you say that he has it because of his wife? Would you? Please tell me,would you?
Melissa
My precious God loving cousin sent this article to me to read. I am so greatful she did, the scripture verses alone seemed to be what I was lacking in helping my severely depressed husband.He is being treated by a psychiatrist and a weekly therapist. He is on alot of medication too. He is walking with the Lord daily and prayer has been a big help. He has a long way to go. He was severely abused as a child by his parents. He is 6 months in treatment.Doing better but still has days of struggle. To all the women out there going thru this,please be patient and give him all the love you can. Continue praying and the Lord will make your marriage stronger.Thank you for the article. God Bless!!
HARRIET
This article was so timely! I have been asking myself whats wrong with my husband, but after reading it this article, i realise that he is going through depression. At the end of the article, the checklist of depression, most of those points listed, he qualifies!! Oh God help me, because am also a tired woman! But i will keep re-reading it for inspiration.
Anonymous
Thanks for the article. It is right on time and gives me some encouragement.
Johann
If he's depressed, it's most likely because of you- your constant whining, nagging, complaining, self-centered trivial concerns, etc. If you can't buck up and become a source of joy for your husband, then just shut your mouth and stop talking so much. Leave him alone.
Rate & Comment on this article