Are You Married Strangers?
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[0 Comment]Ever turn around and look at the person you married and think, "Do I even know who he or she is anymore?" It happens. Author Art Hunt says the key to really knowing your spouse lies in the spiritual aspect of your relationship—which, unfortunately, doesn't always come naturally.
In Quiet Times with the One You Love (Multnomah), Hunt insists that if you let the spiritual aspect of your relationship slide, you're missing the best third (besides the physical and emotional) of your relationship.
Fortunately, Hunt also explains that fostering a spiritual friendship with your mate isn't as difficult as you might think.
When couples complain "we really don't know each other," where does that feeling come from?
Couples need to come together in body, soul and spirit for a complete sense of intimacy. If you're not coming together spiritually, then you've got a 33-percent boredom factor built into your marriage. You're not sharing something that is essential to who you are as a human being.
And that's dangerous because it leaves you open to believing the big lie—that it would be easier to split up and start over with someone else. There's greener grass somewhere else. That's the lie. The truth is, right now is the greatest chance you'll have to develop a great marriage.
So distance in a relationship is dangerous. What's the cure?
Relational intimacy has to do with spouses being willing to reveal who they are—then, in turn, to understand and accept their partner as they reveal who they are.
When you read Scripture and pray together, that's very self-revealing. You're unveiling yourself to God—in front of your spouse!
Getting that intimate seems like it would take a lot of time. Yet you say 15 minutes twice a week is all it takes.
That's right. By investing even a small amount of time at first, couples will begin to see real benefits. For starters, shared quiet times and prayer promote couple intimacy. Intimacy is built when you reveal who you are and find acceptance. When you read Scripture together and then ask questions like the ones in my book, you begin to share what you think and how you feel. As partners do this regularly, they gain a picture of each other's heart. They can't help but grow closer.
How does that improved sense of closeness help strengthern your marriage in general?
Quiet times together give you a place where the problems of life won't overwhelm you. You can handle all the transitions, challenges and changes in your married life alone. Or you can, as a couple, come before God with your problems and become dependent upon him. I've noticed that when you don't include God, you're more likely to point fingers at each other when things go wrong.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1998, Winter
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