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[1 Comment]After three years of marriage, my wife turned into an incredible clutter-bug. She buys tons of junk and never gets rid of anything. Life is more and more stressful because we're overrun with stuff and can never find anything. We can't even clean properly because of mountains of clutter. The mess is threatening our relationship. What should I do?
It seems odd that your wife would suddenly change. More likely, you were always somewhat opposite in housekeeping style. But during courtship and your honeymoon stage, you were probably fascinated or amused by each other's idiosyncracies. It's when you live with them over a long period of time that habits get on your nerves. Remember why you fell in love in the first place? Your differences are part of the joy and blessing of coming together. If you turn your wife into you, life together won't be nearly as much fun.
So keep your sense of humor and keep in mind that your wife's personality and style are different—not bad. Some people are neat; some aren't. One woman told me that her family life changed the day she heard me say, "No kid in America ever died of a messy room." "I quit picking on my kids," she told me. "When I realized that neatness was a minor issue, my personality changed and I was able to be close to my kids." Housework is not an issue that should be allowed to erode your marriage.
If you tend to be more organized, perhaps you can help with clutter control just by getting some closets and storage spaces organized. Shelving, labeled files in file cabinets, a system for sorting the recycling—having a place for things to go often helps contain the clutter. Head to one of those "organization" stores and splurge!
You might also try assigning space of your own to each of you—a room where your wife can be messy, and a clutter-free zone for you.
But be sure that clutter really is the problem that "threatens" your relationship. Usually when I encounter couples quarreling about a surface issue like this one, it's because there's some other problem they're not dealing with. The bickering about clutter may be a symptom, when the real problem is a low-grade fever over something like a stalled career, sexual dissatisfaction or financial stress. A more lasting solution is to uncover the real problem and deal with it.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1998, Winter
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Worndown
Its best to learn these things before you get married. The level of clutter and mess can be a make or break deal.I except my wife's clutter/mess factor but I can't except her preventing me from cleaning my own things! She even gets angry at me if I try to do laundry or clean the kitchen. I cant tell you how many countless times I've cleaned out my closet of old clothes only to find them replaced back into my closet a week later!. Let me clarify..they are MY CLOTHES I'm not talking about her closet.The same shinanigans for the outside shed, garage and many more.If your in a relationship with one of these beings get out now.
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