Why Can't My Wife Lose Weight?
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[0 Comment]I was raised in a family where keeping your weight under control was important. When Helen and I got married, she worked hard to keep her weight down. But that changed after she had our third child. Helen, only 5'2", had gotten heavy and had developed Type 2 diabetes. She had a habit of eating when she felt stressed.
"Why can't you lose weight?" I asked (many times).
"I try. Why don't you accept me the way I am?" she pleaded.
Helen knew she should lose weight. She tried various diets but found it difficult to control what she ate.
I wanted her to be like she was before we got married, when she was petite. But my arguments about the health risks, lowered self-esteem, and reduced physical appeal had no effect. The more I pressured her, the more she resisted.
"You make me feel so bad!" Helen would cry. "If I'm so awful, why should I even bother? Food gives me comfort."
"But you'd look and feel better if you lost weight," I'd argue. My "logic" only caused more tension. So I tried not to talk about it. But I continued to focus on the physical and began to pressure her again, albeit nonverbally—with looks, grunts, and physical withdrawal.
Finally, one night, after I'd hurt Helen once again, I felt God tell me to be quiet about Helen's weight and instead focus on her inner beauty. I saw that Helen has a quiet and gentle spirit, and I vowed to stop complaining about her size.
Sudden death
Several years later, I went for my annual checkup and was stunned to hear that I was overweight!
When I returned home Helen asked how the appointment went. I didn't want to tell her the truth, but knew I had to admit it.
"My physician told me to lose weight and get my cholesterol down," I said.
"You've always bugged me about losing weight," Helen said. "Now it's your turn. Why don't you go on a diet?"
"You'll have to help since you fix the meals," I said to Helen, who agreed.
But it didn't work. She used the exchange diet program for her diabetes; I used the counting calorie approach. Besides, my diet contained a large amount of sugar and carbohydrates. Keeping track of my calories tempted her to go off her diet.
A short time later, while reading my Bible, I read the passage that says a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25). I realized I was to look out for Helen's needs and sacrifice my desires for hers. The passage goes on to say that the husband is to love his wife like he loves his own body (5:28). I knew I hadn't been doing that. I asked God to forgive me for how I'd treated Helen. And God gave me an idea: How better to show my love for my wife and my body than by helping both of us stick to our diets? But how could I do this and support Helen in her struggle to stay on her diabetic diet and exercise program? The answer was simple: Stop dieting independently and go on her diet and exercise program.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2002, Winter
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