The Other Woman
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I don't remember the first time I saw her. That's how little of an impression Amanda made on me. There was nothing about her face, or her figure, that made her stand out. We both worked as volunteers at a local youth outreach center. I led Bible studies and she tutored kids who were struggling in school. One evening, as we finished up a session, Amanda asked if we could get together to talk about the kids she was working with. Since I wasn't attracted to her, and since we'd be meeting in a public place, I saw no reason to refuse her request.
The following week we had coffee together in a crowded restaurant. As we talked about an upcoming fundraiser for the center, I had no way of knowing that our friendship would one day threaten my marriage.
Signs of Danger
I didn't know it then, but I do now—there are intimacies far more subtle than physical touch but no less dangerous to a marriage. When Amanda and I began meeting, I didn't recognize the pressures that were building beneath the surface of my four-year-old marriage. For one thing, money was tight. I was a self-employed contractor, and my clients were often tardy with their payments. But our bills arrived with maddening regularity. Our newborn was colicky and my wife, Sarah, was exhausted. Adding to the stress was our impending move to the Midwest. I can see now that the pressure we were under created an atmosphere ripe for temptation. Still, what happened with Amanda caught me completely off-guard.
After a few meetings over coffee, I was puzzled by how much I looked forward to seeing Amanda again. I'd get an idea at work, and I'd realize I couldn't wait to share it with her. Somehow, I assumed Sarah wouldn't be as interested.
In addition to our volunteer work at the youth center, Amanda and I shared an uncannily similar taste in music and literature. We began discussing the books we were reading, and our meetings grew longer and more frequent. As I got to know her compassion for others, my admiration of her literally changed the way she looked to me. One evening, as I watched her praying with a student, I realized I had become the friend of a beautiful woman.
Meanwhile, Sarah was struggling to care for our new baby and worrying about our precarious financial condition. When I'd come home excited about the way God was moving in the life of one of the students, Sarah would respond by mentioning that the bills were due and we were $200 short. She felt my spare time would be more wisely spent on a second job—not volunteering at the youth center. In fact, the more I struggled with my feelings for Amanda, the more stressed out Sarah became about our home and repairs that needed to be done. Home maintenance is not my strength, and yet it appeared to be Sarah's most cherished attribute in a husband.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1996, Winter
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Average User Rating:
Debbie
Great article and one many christians needs to read. the temptations to cheat are great and knowing that it can happen to any of us will help make us wiser to Satan's tactics.
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