He Said, She Said
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[0 Comment]He said, "She doesn't know how to relax."
She said, "He's so laid-back nothing gets done."
Scott's Side:
I'm a laid-back, relaxed kind of guy. I don't get stressed out if the house isn't in perfect order; I'd rather Melody take the kids to the beach than stay at home and clean house.
Which brings me to the subject of our free time. My idea of the perfect day is to come home from work, exercise a little and then sit with the kids in the pool singing "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" while I shower us with the hose. What could be better than that?
In addition to my full-time job, I paint houses. If I'm not painting on the weekends (some jobs require three to four weekends in a row), I like to sleep in until 10:30, fix a big breakfast and read the paper. At noon, we might head to the beach or stay home and watch movies as a family.
But that doesn't work for Melody. She doesn't know how to relax, and her high energy level makes me nervous. She wants to get up early, eat breakfast and immediately check the to-do list.
Sure, we have home projects that need attention, but we always get to them—eventually. I maintain the cars, the yard, and do housekeeping chores—but my highest priority is family time. Melody seldom considers that I've been at work all week and want to enjoy "down" time with my family.
Melody's Side:
I've always been high-strung. In fact, when Scott and I were first married, I actually wanted to get up at midnight to iron the curtains. Thankfully, Scott talked me out of that, and his easy-going manner became the perfect complement to my high-energy ways. But after several years of marriage, three children, a larger home and yard, a part-time job and my volunteer hours at school, Scott's laid-back style started frustrating me.
Low-energy evenings I can stand, but low-energy weekends can be too much. It's aggravating to finish breakfast at noon on Saturday and have nothing to show for our day. By 1 o'clock I'm a wreck!
Some of our home-maintenance projects have been on the drawing board for years. Our fence is falling down, the back doors are rusting, and the screen porch needs repair. If I could do these things myself, I'd do them. But I can't, and so I have to depend—and wait—on Scott.
He wants me to relax more, but I need order before I can relax. To me, order means kitchen counters that don't double as an ant restaurant and an unobstructed path through the garage. I want to get a good start on Florida's hot days and accomplish something, but Scott sees my to-do list as a do-or-die list.
What Scott and Melody Did:
Over time, the Schillings realized their problem wasn't that one of them was lazy while the other was bossy, but rather that they were opposites when it came to their energy levels. That realization helped them look for an approach to the weekends, in particular, that would allow each of them to enjoy free time on his or her own terms.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1996, Fall
More from Scott and Melody Schilling:
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