Just Touch Me
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[0 Comment]Just Touch Me
Q. My husband doesn't ever touch me unless he wants sex. In our first year as husband and wife, we've enjoyed wonderful, passionate times together, but he doesn't seem to know that I'd love for him to touch me at other times too. What can I do?
Joanie R.
Newark, New Jersey
A. In her book Anatomy of Love, anthropologist Helen Fisher describes the importance of touching in general: "Human skin is like a field of grass, each blade a nerve ending so sensitive that the slightest graze can etch into the human brain a memory of the moment." You can pretty much draw your own conclusions from that image.
Physical touch is critical to building romance and intimacy in your marriage. And we don't just mean touch as it relates to sexual play. We are talking about a tender touch while your partner is doing almost any ordinary task. A gentle squeeze on your wife's shoulder as she is preparing a meal or a soft rub on your husband's back as he is reading a book can communicate loving messages in ways our words never could. There is simply no more eloquent way to say "You are not alone," "I appreciate you," "I'm sorry," or "I love you" than through touch.
Because physical touch is so important to building an intimate marriage, we often suggest that couples talk about it. We suggest that they explore how touch was used in the home they grew up in. You might want to do the same. This simple exercise can give a much better understanding of how and why the two of you may have different "touch quotients."
You might also explore how each of you like to be touched and how you don't like to be touched. Maybe paying the bills makes you uptight and you want to have your space during that time. Let your partner know that isn't a good time for a gentle back rub. Or maybe because paying the bills makes you uptight it is an especially good time for a nice caress. You get the point. Make your wishes known. Take the guesswork out of communicating through physical touch.
My Husband's a Whiny Patient
Q. My husband can be a big baby when he gets sick. I'm just the opposite when I get ill; I hate to admit I need help. We want to help each other when we're sick, but we annoy each other with our differing coping styles. What can I do when my husband gets sick?
Joy P.
White Bear Lake, Minnesota
A. Most couples don't pay much attention to the phrase in their wedding vows that says "in sickness and in health." But sooner or later reality hits. Everybody gets sick—a sprained ankle, a migraine headache, allergies, upset stomach, pneumonia, or the common cold—and knowing how to cope and care for a sick spouse can be tricky business.
Few things are more frustrating than seeing your husband or wife suffer and knowing that there is next to nothing you can do to end the suffering. However, there are some things you can do to manage your marriage more effectively during this difficult time. If you find your spouse battling an illness, consider the following suggestions.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2000, Winter
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