When He Doesn't Believe
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Coming home was no picnic.
"What's for lunch?" my husband, Steve, mumbled, barely looking up from the couch. He sat unshaven, still in his bathrobe, watching a ball game on TV. He looked just as disheveled as he had two hours earlier when four-year-old Lauren and I had left for church, only now he was hungry. Out to the kitchen I went, and with a loud banging of pots and pans, slapped together a colorless meal.
Without a doubt, we were miserable! Steve had no interest in my new faith in Christ; in fact, he reacted as though I'd taken a lover. As he retreated into a hostile, quiet shell, I grew increasingly hurt and resentful, casting disapproving glances at everything he did.
We sat down, and I said a stiff prayer over dinner. When Steve looked up, he asked, "How was church?"
"It was wonderful," I returned flatly. "You might have liked it if you'd been there." Another disapproving glance.
"I don't think so. I don't fit in there," he answered thoughtfully, and after a long pause he added, "You know, if I were you, I'd feel pretty guilty."
"Guilty? Guilty?!" I exploded, bringing my fist down hard on the table. Lauren darted out of the room. "Why should I feel guilty? You're the one who's rejected Christ! You're the one who refuses to believe! How can you have the nerve to say that?"
With the softest words I ever heard, Steve delivered a blow from which I'd never recover: "Because, Virelle, I'm a pagan, and I'm behaving exactly as a pagan should. But you're a Christian, and you're not loving." Silence. For once, I had no words.
Later, on my knees in our bedroom, I cried out to God, Steve can't possibly be right, can he? You know how hard I've tried to grow as a Christian. You don't think I'm unloving, too, do you? Silence again. In my heart, I knew God agreed with Steve.
I'd been a pain to live with. I'd watch my Christian friends' husbands sit with an arm around them in church, or hear them pray aloud in a group, and brim with jealousy and self-pity. I justified my growing coldness toward Steve by viewing him as incapable of being the husband I now wanted. The fact that I no longer was the wife he needed had never occurred to me. How could I possibly please God when I claimed to be spiritual, yet showed neither love, gentleness, nor grace to my husband?
The turning point came while still on my knees that miserable Sunday. I knew I had to change, and radically at that. God challenged me to love Steve as if he were already the man I prayed he would become, whether it happened now, in 30 years, or sometime after my death. If faith really was "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1), I had to believe God would answer my deepest prayers for Steve in his own way, in his own time. Tough terms—but I wasn't exactly in a bargaining position. I agreed.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2001, March/April, Vol. 23, Issue 2, Page 50
Related Topics:
Attitudes, Change, Love, Marriage, Unbelieving spouse, Words
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Average User Rating:
Anonymous
So many people tell you what to do with out ever telling you how they did it. I just want to say thank you for your candidness and transparency. I really needed to read this. Again, thanks.
HeyLove2009
This story has blown my mind. I could not stop reading this and I'm not into reading like I should be but this has blown my mind not doubting that God can't do things like this because this is nothing to him. Just reading further into this story blew mind especially when she mentioned how God comforted her in her silent tears that rolls on her pillows by giving her Psalm 126:5, "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." This is just amazing to me because I'm in the same boat coming up on 2 yrs of marriage but been together since 99(highschool sweethearts). Since we've been married I lives went on a new journey to be in it to win it for Christ but now at this time my husband is straying off on another road so this is really hard and I needed this testimony. God is really showing me who I am in this while he is making me and in this process of making my husband. I do not believe this was coinsedental of coming upon this and finding this story which was not what I was looking for but I guess this was what I needed. God knows exactly what we need at the right time which is his "Timing"! I thank God for using you in this to share this testimony, Mrs. Virelle Kidder!!!! May God continue to BLESS your MARRIAGE!
Augie
Jay, the difference is that the author was already married when she came to Christ. Your situation is different because you are dating. The Bible asks the question, "What fellowship does light have with darkness?" If you say that you are dating, it means you are serious about this person and having a relationship with them. It can lead to marriage. I would tell you to seek to find a mate that you can have fellowship with, one who is a believer.
Angel
Jay I'm in the exact same position. I really like this guy but he told me did not believe in God anymore, he has no faith. I am a girl of faith & I believe someone who loses faith, loses all. I don't know what to do? Do I leave our friendship before it progresses into something... & bites me even more? :'(
jay
I am completely in tears after reading this. I have been going through a similar situation, and was wondering if I should stop dating someone I love so deeply because of his beliefs. It has been so stressful! Thanks for this,truly. It is hard, but I know you are in people's lives for a reason.
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