When Bad Habits Happen to a Good Husband
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Read this." I thrust the newspaper at my husband, Fritz, so he can't avoid it. "It's an interesting interview with the president."
Fritz puts on his Ace Hardware reading glasses and squints at the paper with a hint of suspicion. "Hmm. What does it say?"
"It says … Wait a minute, you should read it," I reply. "You should read more, Fritz. Studies show the mind is like a muscle; you need to exercise it. You know, use it or lose it."
"I read Jaws," he protests. "I always read the ads in the Sunday paper. I read the Bible."
I sigh. I can tell I'm not going to win this one—who can argue with God's Word? I feel something tighten inside and know that if I say much more, I'll start nagging. And the last thing I want to be is Mrs. Fix-it who knows what's best for her husband. "Fine," I say with resignation. "I'll leave it here on your chair."
"Don't feel too bad," Fritz says. "I'll read it eventually." Then he's off to the basement while I'm left feeling as if I've had a typical issues-left-hanging discussion. While I know that in the grand scheme of things, Fritz's lack of reading doesn't rank high on the list of marital woes, it bothers me because I know he would benefit from the intellectual stimulation it provides.
We've been married 23 years and have mostly resolved The Big Stuff. What we're still working our way through are the habits, good and bad, every couple accumulates over time. Some marital habits are positive: morning coffee together; good-night kisses; praying together. Some are neutral: Thursday-night grocery shopping; watching Peter Jennings instead of Dan Rather. But some are irritating at best and downright unhealthy at worst.
My friend Michelle, who's been married eight years and has a toddler and a preschooler, knows about annoying habits. "Dan has a way of becoming obsessively focused on certain tasks," she says of her husband. "Whether it's getting a new tire for the truck or selling items on eBay, he can talk of nothing else and basically abandons the family ship. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with the kids and everything else. I've seen him on eBay for ten hours at a time! Sometimes I get so frustrated, I work myself into a good cry."
Other women I talk to mention poor eating habits, excessive television watching, spiritual laziness (such as not reading the Bible), or refusing to see a doctor when there's a problem. Several echo Michelle's complaint about how her husband focuses on a project to the exclusion of all else—a husbandly attitude seen as uncooperative and oblivious to the wife's needs. One wife said, "Steve comes home from work, and after a few words, goes straight to the computer and stays there for hours."
Personalities and Preferences
So what should Michelle—or any other wife struggling with these issues—do?
The better question is, "Should she do anything?"
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2002, November/December, Vol. 24, Issue 6, Page 52
Related Topics:
Acceptance, Cooperation, Differences, Husbands, Nagging, Respect, Wives
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Laura
I'm with Mike. I think we all need some space to be ourselves and not have to live up to someone else's expectations. The examples given in this article are very petty. These are not marital problems but opportunities to learn to let go and give up some of your own expectations. It makes for a much happier marriage when we give up some of these petty expectations and just decide to love.
Allison
This is right on time for me. My husband and I have started bickering over little things lately and answering those six questions helped me to put our quarrels in perspective. I am going to get out of the way and try some of the suggestions in this article.
Mike
I find is fascinating that this woman in the example thinks her husband not reading is a fault that needs correcting. Seriously? Also interesting that the majority of "faults" noted here are those of someone's husband. I have faults. My wife has faults. Everyone has faults. But we love each other... I don't read news. My wife's a news junkie. She doesn't watch movies. I'm a movie maven. These aren't faults, these are preferences.
Anonymous
The scripture references are missing in this article.
Abiola
Excellent. Loved it.
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