Separated by War

Operation Iraqi Freedom has at least temporarily split up thousands of military marriages. Four couples discuss how they're dealing with it.

Mark Moring

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Separations are nothing new for military couples.

Most military marriages have endured temporary splits—a few weeks here, a couple months there. And for American military couples, those separations usually come during times of peace.

But this time it was war. With some 300,000 troops stationed in and around Iraq—not to mention thousands more trying to keep the peace in Afghanistan and other places—tens of thousands of couples are facing their first wartime separation. And it's scary.

Did you know? Of the 4.2 million military members, nearly 60 percent are married with families.

MP talked to four Christian couples who've been split up by Operation Iraqi Freedom—four wives who are Stateside, and two of their husbands deployed in the Middle East. (Note: Some of the couples we interviewed asked that we not use their last names or hometowns.) Despite these couples' fears and longings, we think they're handling it extremely well. And we think we all could learn a little something from these brave souls who are enduring not only the temporary break-up of their families, but putting their very lives on the line.

Here are their stories.

"I've Had Sleepless Nights"

Darren and Carla Davis
Hampton, Virginia
Married 9 years

Shortly before Darren Davis left in early January for Operation Iraqi Freedom, his family had something to do.

"We took a family picture," says Darren's wife, Carla. "It was one of those things you do, just in case."

There was no need to explain what she meant by "just in case." Carla, 37, is praying it's not the last Davis family photo.

"I'm very concerned about his safety," says Carla, holding down the home fort with children Cody, 7, and Emily, 4. "I'm not normally a worrier, but I've had a few sleepless nights. I've had some dark times when I've wondered why Darren is where he is, and why our children have to go through months without their daddy.

"It's been a difficult time, but through it all, I've felt God at my side. He always comes through at exactly the moment I need him. I can't imagine facing these uncertain times without God. He sustains me when my strength is gone and my worries surface."

Carla clings to favorite Scriptures in these difficult days, citing especially verses from Psalm 55:16-18:

"I call to God, and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me."

Carla says Darren, 38, a chief warrant officer in the Navy, is also clinging to God and Scripture during this time. Unfortunately, Darren, who works in logistics and support for a Naval Special Warfare Group in an unspecified location, was unable to talk to MP before we went to press.

One "side effect" of the war, says Carla, is that it brings opportunities to share her faith.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2003, Summer

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