I Had an Affair
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Looking back, I realize there were many reasons I had an affair with Jack. But what lured me in was how he made me feel—with cards on my desk, flowers on my windshield, and calls just to say "hi." Finally, I was a priority in someone's life. I felt special and loved.
I met Jack when we both worked in the service department of a car dealership. Although I joked with all the guys, I noticed Jack paid more attention to me than the others. He made a point of showering me with compliments and making me laugh. Jack was fun, compassionate, and caring. He also was married.
When I started working late several nights a week, one night Jack worked late, too. Since we were the only two there, we ended up chatting late into the night. This quickly became the norm. When I was around him, I had fun, I laughed, I was happy. I could feel my attraction for him growing, but ignored it. I reasoned that not only was he married, he was also 11 years older than I. He couldn't possibly be interested in a 19-year-old girl.
But my naiveté shattered one night when we were talking in my office. I was perched casually on the edge of my desk, and he was in a chair across the room. After a brief pause in our conversation, he said quietly, "Come here." By the look in his eyes, I knew what could happen. In a fraction of a second, my mind raced through all my options. I could make the right decision—or the wrong one. I moved to him, and we began to kiss.
I'm sure part of my susceptibility to the affair stemmed from the fact my parents divorced when I was five. Although I wasn't aware of it for many years, their divorce destroyed my security. My daddy was everything to me. Not having him as a constant in my life left me feeling alone and unloved.
When I was 14, I met a young man and suddenly discovered a man's attention made me feel good. For the next seven years I jumped from one physical relationship to another, trying to maintain that feeling. I became adept at hiding this side of my life. My parents had no idea I regularly traded sex for a few minutes of "love." I knew God didn't approve, and I felt guilty. I'd grown up in a Christian home and vividly remember asking Jesus into my heart when I was four. I figured I'd done what I needed to do to avoid hell. I tried to be a nice person and do good things, figuring that was enough. I didn't understand I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.
Instead, I attempted to make my relationship with Jack fill my deep need to feel loved and valued.
Six months into our affair, Jack's wife found out. After an hour of waiting for him to show up one night, I angrily called his house. Either I'd gotten incredibly brave or incredibly stupid, because I actually asked his wife to speak to him. Without hesitation, she put him on the phone and then, unbeknownst to me, picked up the other extension. In the midst of complaining about being stood up, I heard her voice. For a moment my heart stopped. Neither Jack nor I said a word.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2003, January/February, Vol. 25, Issue 1, Page 32
Related Topics:
Adultery, Affair, Divorce, forgiveness, Forgiveness, divine, Guilt, Infidelity, Loneliness, Love, sex, Sexual immorality, Shame
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Chosengirl
I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. I've chosen to end an emotional affair after six months. We are both married with children. I can relate so much with your story. Though this affair ended just yesterday, I am certain that through much prayer and reading scripture I too will conqueror this beast!
Nyke
A wonder-full testimony. Only a negligible no. of men and women get out of this mess, because the bible, somewhere, regards infidelity as a bottomless pit. That's the reason why Jack would not let go infidelity for his beloved wife/kids. Jack's wife must be a heroin indeed. In fact if its a hollywood movie, she must be the 'actress'. How I wish my late wife who abandoned me and three kids and died 9yrs after had read this story? I wish many believers/unbelievers will stumble on this site. Praise be the name of the Lord, Jesus. Amen!
Inspired
God bless you! Thanks for sharing your experience. I appreciate your honesty and am encouraged by knowing it is possible to come out of such a relationship victoriously in Christ. It gives me hope because I face a similar problem and have been really confused about how to deal with it and what would become of me especially when I get married to someone else. I see that it may not be easy but there's hope and God won't give up on me!
Tony
I found this article doing research on statistics on adultery. In August of 06 I left my wife of 11.5 years after my having a 9 year affair, and currnetly in affirs with three women. I had spent over 30 years in church work from associate pastor to pew sitter. My church and my wife kept praying for me. I believe that I was a Christian, but God showed me differenly. I saw the darkness of seperation from God and what hell was like. After 2 months the prayers of my wife and the others beat satan. I returned home. We went to Christian counseling and I realize that I was sexually addicted. God also showed me that I was lost and on Nov 11, 06 holding my wife's hand I asked Chrsit to live in my life for sure. Our marriage is stronger and my life in Christ is so amazing. Every day is a blessing. I no longer have the sexual desires for other women that I had for my entier life. The freedom and peace with God is so amazing. Tony Collins
Awkadigwe F. I.
Even if u dont have a reason to believe ur husband loves u as u would want, u took the best decision for ur sake, and that is to see that u have to pretend that ur previous belief is wrong. Pretending can help. I once pretended that i didnt need a relationship to help me cope with the breakup. It works perfectly well some times
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