Last on His List

When his work became too demanding, James and Elizabeth Rock had to schedule some together time.

Average Rating: Not rated

[0 Comment]

There are no previous pages

1 of 2

Elizabeth's side: His work devours our time together

James and I met at Bair Lake Bible Camp in 1987. It was love at camp site. We were married five years later.

Since then, we've given 15 years of our lives to a camping ministry. Camp ministry requires a huge commitment of James's time and energy. Though it's been a joy, it's also a constant struggle for him to make time for me and our kids.

It feels as if too much of the year goes by, especially in the summer, when work steals our together time. The 12-hour-plus workdays seem never to end.

Sure, I knew what we were getting into when we joined the ministry. But I'd hoped we would spend more time together, side-by-side.

Again and again, James will say, "I'll be home in ten minutes." Then something will happen at camp, and he won't be home for hours. The worst part is he always has great excuses: "I had to call a homesick camper's mom," or "A staff member was struggling and needed to talk."

How can I compete for his attention when I'm up against a hundred immediate ministry needs? I constantly feel as if I'm in the back seat, a low priority on his list.

Lately, his speaking and writing hobbies have become more like a second job. Now even when he's home, he's working on that stuff.

It feels as if I, and our time together, keep falling lower on James's list of priorities.

James's side: It's hard to know when to walk away

I love Elizabeth. I love our time together.

I also love my work at the camp.I I wouldn't trade working with staff and campers for any other job in the world. But it seems something is going on every minute of every day that needs my attention. It's too easy to lose myself in the work.

It's not fair, but I constantly battle with the attitude that Elizabeth will always be there—in ten minutes, or tomorrow—but the work needs of the moment must be dealt with immediately. While I know that's not true, those thoughts constantly guide my quick, what-do-I-have-to-do-now decisions.

There's simply a difference in the urgency of work versus home demands. And I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm horrible at noticing whether a minute or an hour has passed.

The reality is that this will never be a nine-to-five job. I can be at work anytime from 6 a.m. until 2 a.m. I know I need to get home more, but there always seems to be some new emergency, conversation, decision, or activity that draws me away.

What frustrates me is that I seem only to get an hour here or an hour there with Elizabeth and the twins. If we're lucky, we get one day a week of extended time together.

Honestly, I think Elizabeth might be too easy on me. She loves the ministry too, so she tends to let me off the hook for broken promises.

There has got to be a way she can help keep me in check.

What they did

Two years ago, a friend told James and Elizabeth that he and his wife had also struggled with making time for each other, and had found help from a simple time-management chart.

next page... |

There are no previous pages

1 of 2

Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2006, Fall, Page 16

Join the Kyria.com Community!

Become a member to have access to the following:

Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women