I Was Married to Jekyll and Hyde
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[0 Comment]Restraining orders, liens, and broken belongings were furthest from my mind as I sat in my counselor's office sharing all the doors God was opening for my fiancé and me.
"Journal these stories," she told me. "One day you may forget how God orchestrated these blessings."
Both divorced, John and I had met through a Christian social club. We began dating, and four months later, we were engaged.
On limited budgets because of our past divorces, we were amazed at the numerous provisions that came our way. A friend donated beautiful wedding invitations. Another friend gave me my wedding dress and shoes.
The owners of the place I dreamed of having our wedding offered it to us at a steep discount. Over and over we felt God's blessing. Surely that meant God intended us to build a life together.
At our pre-marital counseling sessions, our pastor helped us explore our finances, parenting styles, and personality types. Cautious and carrying scars from our former unfaithful spouses, we left no stone unturned.
On our honeymoon, God blessed us again, and a month later we joyfully discovered I was pregnant. Days later the nightmare began.
I came home from work to find John cursing into the phone at a customer.
When I questioned him, he turned on me and began to call me names. Then, abruptly his mood changed, and he was the gentle man I married. I was unable to make any sense of it.
A few nights later, John's teenage son found alcohol John had hidden; I wondered if I'd made a mistake with this marriage.
As weeks passed, verbal abuse, threats, drinking, and my seemingly on-again, off-again Christian husband had me spinning and disoriented. The stress affected my health and pregnancy to the point that I began to have severe stomach problems and had to have surgery. (I ended up having eight stress-related hemorrhoid operations.)
One night Glenda, a woman from church, and I had dinner together. At our wedding, John had asked Glenda and her husband to hold him accountable to his marriage vows. So at dinner I told her what was going on. She drove me home and broached the subject with John. He became angry and told us both to leave.
Glenda and I left the house and contacted our pastor and some other friends. They counseled me to pack some clothes and stay at a friend's house. My daughter was already staying with her father, but my step-children would remain with John. Fortunately, that night they were at their mother's house.
So I returned home with my pastor and friends. They helped me pack while John yelled and made threats. Finally, in a rage he grabbed our wedding presents, went outside, and began to break, burn, and destroy them—including his wedding ring.
I was stunned, confused, and heartbroken.
Our pastor set up Christian counseling for me. But everything felt like a bad dream.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2003, Winter
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