Playing with Fire
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I rushed from the exam room to the nurses' station. Female laughter bubbled up from a semicircle of chairs that surrounded a newcomer. The office manager called me over.
"Jan," she said, "meet Greg. He'll be updating our computer system over the next few months." Greg* stood and offered his hand. His eyes were cappuccino brown, his smile warm and welcoming. We exchanged polite chitchat before I hurried to see the next patient. Nice looking, nice manners, I thought. Good thing I'm married. Before the day was over, he was joking with the staff like he'd known us for years.
Greg came to the clinic nearly every day. Lights danced in his eyes whenever he saw me; smiles came easily when I saw him. At a farewell party for one of the staff, he wandered in and scanned the room, then sat directly across from me. Our eyes met and held each other in silence as heat filled my face and my pulse quickened. When the guest of honor entered the room and the gang yelled, "Surprise!" I finally looked away. When Greg mingled with the staff, I watched from the corner of my eye, straining to hear every word, curious to know more about him.
I attempted nonchalance a few days later when I asked if Greg was working. "He's at the administrative office today." I was disappointed, but minutes before quitting time, his deep voice filled the hallway. I pretended to look for a brochure filed in the hall closet so we'd run into each other.
His smile was the reward I was looking for. His eyes spoke admiration and warmed me. Later, he stopped me near the break room.
"You're a beautiful woman, you know that?"
I laughed.
"I'm serious. You do know that you're beautiful, don't you?"
"You have good taste. Thank you," I joked, but inside I was melting. I floated back to my office.
Hoping to see Greg between patients, I lingered in the hallways more now. Meanwhile, at home, my husband of 20 years, Bud, and I were still recovering from the constant demands of graduate school. We'd divided the household tasks to keep things running smoothly, but in the process we drifted apart emotionally.
One day, after the clinic closed, Greg waited in the parking lot for me. As we talked, his attention was intoxicating. He complimented my face, my clothes, and my hair. I thought about him often, looking forward to our next brief meeting. I daydreamed about having long, intimate conversations with him. I didn't let myself imagine kissing him, but the excitement up to that point was enticing enough. I kept telling myself that as long as I didn't do anything, I'd be okay.
When time allowed, I often ate lunch outside at a nearby park. One day as I watched some preschoolers at play, Greg sauntered up to the table. "Mind if I join you?" I didn't. He slid in next to me and we talked. I wished the time would never end.
By now I thought about Greg all the time and struggled to remain faithful to Bud. Many days I woke up famished for more of this excitement. I savored the appreciation and admiration Greg gave me. Part of me was greedy for more, but another part was frightened by the intensity of the desires that had overtaken me. What had begun as a fantasy had become stronger than I was. I didn't know how to make it stop.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2005, March/April, Vol. 27, Issue 2, Page 24
Related Topics:
Adultery, Co-Workers, Emotional Affairs, Emotional Infidelity, Fantasies, Infidelity, Marriage Struggles, Marriage, Strengthening, Temptation
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Connie
This is one of those "common to man" temptations. The writer couldn't have expressed any better the war that goes on in our hearts but the peace experienced when we surrender completely to God's will. He does make a way to escape the devastation that would result in giving in to such temptation. Oh, the joy of sins forgiven!
Piper
This article reminds me of the movie "Fireproof."
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Thank you for your honesty. This is a difficult subject to talk about and one that is often ignored in the church. But as you pointed out, ignoring it makes it worse. I wish that more Christians had the courage to be open about their marital struggles so that we could support and encourage one another. God bless you.
Mark E.
Peter, I think by "enemy," Jan meant Satan, not Greg. From the content of the story, I don't think Greg was interested in just being good friends. Overall, a good example of a husband and wife working hard to stay true.
Avi
Awesome! Thank you for this post. Just this morning I prayed to God and I am so grateful for this post. A definite home-run for me. God Bless.
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