Right of Passage
Average Rating: 
[5 Comments]
For a long time, I managed to completely avoid the issue. Like a little child who believes firmly if she covers her eyes no one will see her, I figured if I ignored the situation it would just go away.
Sneezing I could handle. Coughing was annoying but nothing to fear. Even burping was okay with me.
But passing gas around the one I loved? I swore it would never happen.
It wasn't that I was in complete denial. I understood basic biology just as well as the next gal—the ecstasy of onion rings inevitably has its dark side. But I wanted my new husband to find me beautiful, desirable, and attractive. Somehow emitting foul smells didn't seem to match that job description. And so I decided tooting (for lack of a more dignified term) would be just fine—as long as it wasn't around Eric.
This process of evasion was easy enough while we were dating. Sure, I encountered the rare interminable car ride where I had either to sneak one out or implode (Will he notice? Is he pretending not to smell it right now?), but those awkward moments were novelties, not the norm. It was an erratic problem that cropped up occasionally and could be plucked like an unwelcome weed among the beautiful flowers of our relationship's garden. And that was the way I liked it.
Then we got married. When we wed, we moved into his apartment. Our love nest was small—very small—with walls as thin as wax paper and too few rooms to hide in. Such limited quarters offered few opportunities to avoid revealing those daily bodily odors I'd taken such pains to conceal. Under such circumstances, what was a girl to do?
As we were talking one evening, I shyly confided my reservations to Eric with a nervous laugh. He stared blankly at me, not quite comprehending my dilemma.
"Just let 'er rip," he advised.
"No!" I recoiled. "That's gross!"
"It's not gross," he insisted. "It's natural."
"Not around you, it's not!" I declared. "I'll never give in."
And for a while, I actually pulled it off. Constantly on high alert, the slightest threat of imminent tooting would prompt an emergency evacuation. Whether I was curled up with Eric on the couch, cooking dinner in the kitchen, or reading in bed, I'd drop what I was doing and bolt for the nearest "safe zone"—the bathroom, the balcony, even the back of our walk-in closet.
But then one day, about a month into our marriage, I let one slip. It wasn't planned, it wasn't calculated—it bypassed all my carefully crafted defenses, and I had no choice. Mortified, I averted my eyes. Please don't let him have heard, please don't let him have heard, I mentally chanted.
But I knew he had. It was too late. At first I wasn't sure what to do, and there was an awkward, aromatic silence. Finally, I decided to break it—with a laugh.
Then Eric did what I'd always feared he would—he laughed too. But his wasn't the type of laughter I'd anticipated, the "you're-not-attractive-now-because-you're-just-one-of-the-guys" laughter or the "ew-I'm-never-touching-you-again" type. His chuckle was amiable and accepting, an "I-can-so-relate" snicker that was warm with "where-have-you-been-all-my-life" overtones.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2008, Summer, Page 8
More from By Angela Baerg:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
- Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women
downloadable guides
Sabbath Rest in a World of Stress
Practical insights for how to live a life that honors the spirit of Sabbath-rest.
The Mentoring Series: Nancy Ortberg
Discover leadership principles from a well-known author and respected leader.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Laverne H
I've never had a problem "tooting" in front of my husband. He on the other hand just thought it was the worse thing ever. Like many people I feel it's a natural act. I don't go out of my way to do this, but if one escapes, oh well!!We have only been married a little over a year, but I'm happy to say that he is finally coming around. YEAH!!!
Guadalupe
My case was the total opposite. I grew up in a single mom household. Mom was very polite and taught us good manners, but believed that holding beck gas was not "good" biologically speaking; she herself had no trouble letting it out at home, for the sake of relief. I came into our marriage thinking it was a natural thing to do, for many years my husband took it as normal and said nothing. About eleven years into our marriage he decided I had to keep some "mistery" and stop "farting" in front of him and that goes for everyone inthe household. No more tooth flossing either, unless it's in the bathroom. I guess he's probably right, nothing wrong with showing my pretty, feminine side. It's more enticing to him. All part of the "cultivating the marriage and not taking each other for granted".
Pam B
I was raised in a family that never passed gas or burped in front of one another. My husband, being a fairly typical male, had no qualms about such natural bodily functions. Like Angela, I would make an escape to do my tooting...until one time when we were making love and OOPS, one very loud toot escaped! I was so shocked that I started laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation and my husband laughed too. From then on I have relaxed about the whole thing. I would still rather not "let one rip" like the boys, but I'm no longer so horrified when I can't get to a private place before the gas valve releases.
Rachel
I can definitely relate! I was determined never to do it in front of my husband as well. I'll never forget the first time it happened. It was probably about a month after our wedding too. We were lying in bed, joking around, and I was imitating something, someone (can't even remember now), and it happened. Loudly. We laughed forever! I'm the more gassy one too. Our 7th anniversary is in 3 days, and he says he loves me now more than the day we got married. Thanks for writing this!
Shirley S.
Angela - that was very honest of you. I appreciate that. I never really was afraid. I have been married 12 years now, and I am still the more gasy one. My husband definitely can put with anything - like your hubby said - it is natural. Unpleasant, but natural is what I teach our girls.
Rate & Comment on this article *