Worth Fighting For

Just as God fought to save his people, your marriage is also

Al Janssen

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Several years ago I met Pete in a men's Bible study. One day, in a moment of candor, Pete admitted that he struggled with pornography. His wife, Jenny, had confronted him after discovering a stash of magazines. At first he dismissed her accusations. "This is no big deal," he said. "Why are you upset?"

"Because we're married," Jenny calmly explained through her tears. "I love you. I'm here for you. You don't need these other women."

"But they're just pictures!" he protested. "They mean nothing to me."

"Then give them up," Jenny pleaded.

But my friend didn't. Pete simply did a better job of hiding the evidence. Once I became aware of his struggle, I occasionally asked him how he was doing, and every time he would say he had the problem under control. But gradually I saw him less and less frequently as he stopped attending the men's group.

Pete's wife was right to be concerned, for over time her husband's problems increased. He started calling 900 numbers and visiting strip clubs. When Jenny discovered the evidence on credit card bills, they had a far greater confrontation. Despite her evidence, Pete refused to admit he had a problem or get help.

So what did Jenny do? She picked a fight.

The Model for Marriage

If we're serious about having a Christian marriage, then sometimes the best thing we can do is fight. After all, it's God's way. If that sounds strange, perhaps it's because we forget that God is married. He calls himself a husband to Israel. He refers to the church as the Bride of Christ. God has remained faithful to his marriage vows despite centuries of heartache. But that doesn't mean he's been complacent. He has fought hard for his beloved.

For more than a year, I studied God's marriage in Scripture. I observed five broad characteristics of God's marriage that forms the model for a Christian marriage. First it's a covenant marriage. God made a total commitment to his beloved, and he has remained faithful to his vows. But it's also a passionate marriage. That passion is best expressed in the Song of Solomon—eight chapters that portray the beauty of romantic intimacy in marriage, and, most scholars concur, also depicts God's love for Israel and Christ's love for the church.

Based on God's covenant and passion, God fights hard for his marriage. Writer John Eldredge has stated that we can better understand the Old Testament prophets if we read their words as a lover's quarrel. The intensity of God's confrontations with Israel convinces me that many Christians exit their marriages too easily. In fact, God has been in a one-sided marriage yet has remained faithful to his beloved over the centuries.

Which leads to the climax of the drama that is God's love story. His is a heroic marriage. To have his beloved, God's son laid down his life for her. That example is the challenge to Christian marriages. How much am I willing to sacrifice of myself for my spouse? Christ is the example to husbands in Ephesians 5:25, which I like to paraphrase, "Husbands be the hero to your wives just as Christ was the hero for the church by giving himself up for her." Likewise Christ is the role model for wives: "Wives be heroic by submitting to your husbands as to the Lord" is how I might paraphrase Ephesians 5:22.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2002, Spring

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