Marrying … with Children
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I have two children and I'm about to marry a man who also has two children. I'm concerned about blending our families. Any advice?
You're facing a challenge, but you can be successful. Creating a strong blended family actually involves principles similar to those used to create a strong marriage—mutual respect and consideration.
When two people marry, they bring together their differences to forge a common life. Likewise, a blended family brings together many people and their differences to create a common family life. This process involves both loss and gain. What you and your fiancé had in your previous marriages is gone. But the good news is, you're on the brink of creating a brand-new marriage, family, and home.
Making something new requires an interest in and respect for what's important to each member of your blended family. It may help you to ask each family member (even the youngest one) what he or she would like to see as part of this new family.
Remember, you and your husband will also have to be deliberate about building your marriage. It's easy to hit the ground running because of all the children involved, but don't let your marriage take a back seat. Make sure you spend some couple-only time so you can work together as a team. If you don't, your stress will keep you functioning independently, and you'll end up having two separate families living under the same roof.
Why not read some books on blended families and parenting with your husband? That way, you can begin to formulate how you want your family to look and how you want to work together. Respect each other's needs and hopes, and consider how your choices will impact the others. If you do this, you'll build a healthy family and model good relationships for your children.
My husband is gay
My husband left me—for a man. Apparently he's been gay all his life and decided to come out now after 16 years of marriage and three children. I'm having a difficult time coping with this emotionally, and I'm concerned about my kids. I don't know where to turn for help.
I've sat with other women whose husbands left them for men, and the shock is enormous. It's incredibly disorienting to realize you don't really know the person with whom you've lived and slept for so many years. The feelings of betrayal go deep and involve not just the fact he's gone, but also the fact he kept this huge secret from you.
There are two things that will be important for you in the coming weeks and months. First, you need to contact a Christian organization that ministers to women in your situation. The one here in Philadelphia is called Harvest (215-342-7114), and there are others around the country, including Exodus International (888-264-0877). They can connect you with women who have already gone through what you're experiencing and help you with the task of explaining these developments to your children.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2004, November/December, Vol. 26, Issue 6, Page 14
Related Topics:
Affair, Appearances, Children, Divorce, Homosexuality, remarriage, singles, stepparenting, Weight
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Average User Rating:
Karen
I am 39 yrs. old, I have three great children and have never been married and now I want to. I was engaged to a man (not the father) and after two and a half years of dating and one year of engagement he's pretty sure he does not want to marry me. Not only does this hurt but I feel that...well, like I'm a has-been. I know I sound like a winer.
pastor solomon
Pls I need ur urgent advice im facing a cimilar situation. I and my wife seperated for four years now,in which she hv returned with a baby girl, apologizing me for remarriage. Should i accept her pls advice me urgently. rgds solomon.
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