I Was Addicted to Romance
Average Rating: Not rated
[0 Comment]When I met Dan at church I was sure our life would be perfect. During the next three years, while he was enrolled fulltime at college, we married and had two children.
But life wasn't perfect. After Dan graduated, we found jobs with a ministry that provided housing to low-income families. The harassment and threats from drug dealers and domestic disputes within our large project were a constant stress, and continual complaints from residents with unrealistic expectations chipped away at our self-esteem.
Burned out, Dan changed from the sweet theology student into a negative, morose man. Both of us, lacking in faith, were afraid to leave our jobs. And as Dan's bitterness increased, I began to think, Maybe Dan's a failure.
Feeling trapped, I escaped by reading romance novels. The formulaic story, exotic places, and the tension of a man and woman falling in love were stimulating yet soothing. So as Dan fell deeper into his pain, and since I worked only in the mornings, I'd spend afternoons reading one or two novels before the children came home from school. In the evenings, after the kids went to bed, I even progressed to a third.
But reading the steamy romances didn't fulfill me or help my marriage. And after a while it wasn't enough to just read about romance. Long, solitary walks or drives blocked out the real world, enabling me to conjure up my own fantasies.
A tall, handsome man, resembling different TV characters, met me in my daydreams. A successful, wealthy professional, he'd wine, dine, and dance with me, and our "love" would quickly develop in moonlit gardens or sunlit beaches to marriage where I no longer worked outside the home.
I wasn't concerned that spending time imagining romantic fantasies might affect my marriage. They're not hurting anyone, I'd reason.
But around our eleventh anniversary, I noticed that whenever Dan tried to kiss me, I'd turn my face so his lips grazed my cheek instead. Months slipped by before I'd finally respond to his sexual overtures.
Dan began to complain that we didn't make love enough. He sent flowers and suggested weekends away, but his dark moods made him unattractive to me. My walks and drives increased to entire afternoons or evenings. My fantasy had grown more stimulating than real romance, and I began to avoid Dan.
Then what I thought could never happen did. A coworker, Anthony, and I began to flirt and greet each other with hugs. One morning Anthony, also unhappy in his marriage, didn't let go. Within weeks we escalated to stealing what belonged to each other's spouse, and I was in love.
The excitement and danger of the affair created such emotional rushes that I was willing to consider the unthinkable: leave my marriage and give full custody of the children to Dan. But the affair that began quickly came to a disastrous end just as quickly. Dan found a hotel parking stub on the dashboard of my car. When he asked why I'd parked there, having no answer, I confessed that I was in love with another man. I felt dead inside.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2002, Winter
More from Lindsay Roberts:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
- Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women
downloadable guides
Sabbath Rest in a World of Stress
Practical insights for how to live a life that honors the spirit of Sabbath-rest.
The Mentoring Series: Nancy Ortberg
Discover leadership principles from a well-known author and respected leader.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating: Not rated
Rate & Comment on this article *