Lessons from the Campaign Trail
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When the opportunity arose last year for my husband to throw his name into the race for state representative, we both felt it was a step God wanted him to take. Throughout the campaign, we repeated to ourselves and anyone who asked that we felt Raf was called to run—not necessarily to win. But we believed God would use the race itself for God's glory—and to teach us or show us both something we needed to learn.
I never expected it would be about our marriage.
Honestly, before the campaign started, Raf and I were smack dab in the middle of a rough season in our marriage. The demands of three young kids, two careers, and more bills than we could afford to pay mounted and often left us "short" (to put it nicely) with one another. We weren't necessarily each other's biggest fans. We loved each other and were committed, but our marriage was sort of floundering.
So when we first started the discussions about running for office, I amazed myself (and Raf!) with my encouragement. I wanted him to do this. And not—as he teased me—because if he won, he'd spend half his year three hours away. I wanted him to do it because I too felt his calling—and was eager to support him. I was ready for our journey. Ready to learn.
For me, those lessons—three big ones—came pretty quickly.
1. I Am Really, Really Selfish
While I like to fancy that I am a great encourager (and according to spiritual gifts assessments, I really do have the gift of encouragement), it turns out I'm better at the pep talks and pats on the back as long as they're about something that doesn't actually interfere with my life, my plans, or my goals. Or my sleep.
In the early days of the campaign, while I was busy rah-rah-sis-boom-bah-ing my husband's efforts, it was easy. It was his thing. He was out knocking on doors. He made the phone calls. He recruited his team. Not me. But then he came recruiting me. He sent me vast lists of policy ideas and campaign issues and asked me to "shape" them into something readable. For the website. For newspaper articles. For brochures and mailings.
Then he used me as a sounding board and a strategist—which I loved—but since I have but a few free moments of the day to do the things I love and feel called to do, I get possessive of those moments. As the weeks rolled on—with more and more sounding and strategizing and shaping—I got plain old crabby. Resentful. Often kinda mean.
So much so that just after Christmas, Raf came to me and said, "I know this is hard on you, but do you think that since this campaign is finite and only has five weeks left, you could just be cheerful and supportive? I'm only asking you for a month."
Hearing him say this broke my heart—and convicted me of my miserable selfishness. I had encouraged him only as long as it didn't affect me. Not exactly a picture of a sacred commitment and godly marriage. I needed to make a big change in my attitude and lose the selfishness. It certainly helped when I encountered these next two lessons.
Related Topics:
forgiveness, Marriage, Lessons, political leaders, politics, Selfishness
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Connie
I loved this article. The revelation of just how much she loved her husband and how sacred the marriage covenant is was awesome. This is how we grow. Thanks for sharing.
PB
This is very timely for me as my husband is planning to run for a seat in our State House in 2014. We are already laying strategy and foundation building. I knew from the start that the things I do were going to have to recede into the background not only during the campaign but also during the time he is in office if he is elected. I'm OK with that because we have been doing things together throughout our entire marriage and I know I can come back to my "stuff" when he term-limits out of office. We have also seen the dark side of what people are willing to do to stab a candidate in the back. People that my husband trusted to give him guidance in these early days of the campaign turned out to have another candidate in mind. Once my husband voiced his desire to run they secretly alerted the opposing candidate and gave him insider info on our campaign strategy. It has been very discouraging until we remember that God is the one who laid the burden on my husband's heart to serve the people in this way. If it is meant to be, then it will be. If not, then we know that God has some other plans for ministry for us.
H
This is a very thoughtful article that we can all learn from. In particular, it is easy for us as humans to be selfish and we can all use reminders to put our spouse's needs first. You brought up another point that I thought was worth noting - how hurtful it was when your spouse was attacked by another component while campaigning. I am very sorry that you and your family had this experience. Unfortunately this is all-too-common and even among the general public individuals consider it "socially acceptable" to trash talk politicians. Maybe this can serve as a reminder that all politicians are human and have feelings. I have seen Christians say some very hateful (and untrue) things about politicians that they oppose. While non-Christians also of course do this, we are supposed to be a light to the world. Your account of the hurt that this type of rhetoric caused serves as a reminder of why what we say is so important.
heather
This is a very beautiful and touching article. As the wife of an obstetrician - who has a public life and I have to share him - I have often wondered what it would be like to have to be married to a politician or CEO of a huge corporation - how do you cope with loneliness and putting your own needs last. This is very encouraging and a little window into how God can teach you so much through this challenge. I think you are a wise woman - and although you said you were selfish, you come across as very giving and loving. Well done, may God bless you
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