This Isn't Your Grandmother's Marriage

Bible teachers Jill and Stuart Briscoe take a new look at roles that really work

interview by Annette LaPlaca

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Years of marriage can go by without the "S" word - that is, "submission"- coming up. But sooner or later conflict will push the "Who's the head of this home?" question to the forefront. Maybe she's had a great job offer that requires a cross-country move. Or he wants another child, but she feels overwhelmed with the two they already have. Maybe she's urging him to be a "spiritual leader", but neither knows just what that's supposed to entail.

Many Christian couples get married wondering whether submission really fits in a contemporary marriage. So Marriage Partnership went to some experts on the subject: Jill and Stuart Briscoe. Stuart is senior pastor of Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin, and Jill is a well-known writer, speaker and Bible teacher.

In a society in which equality between men and women is assumed, isn't the conventional understanding of headship and submission become outdated?

Jill: As long as conflicts arise in marriage, submission will always be relevant. The language may differ, but submission in some form will come up for every couple.
Stuart: If headship and submission are part of the timeless truth of Scripture - and they are- then it's part of our task to apply that truth to the changing contemporary scene. We can't manipulate the Bible to fit our culture, and we can't isolate the Bible without applying it to the human world around us. We've got to say, "The Bible commands it. What did it mean then, and how does it apply today?"

What did the headship mean in New Testament times?

Stuart: One of the misconceptions about biblical times is that women didn't work or use their gifts outside the home. Women in those days worked in the fields with their husbands or generated income in other ways. Think of the story of Ruth, and of the woman in Proverbs 31, and of New Testament references to people like Priscilla. People think a wife and mother at home and a husband as breadwinner is a biblical pattern. It's not. The Industrial Revolution of the mid-19th century made it possible for many women to stay home while their husbands became the sole breadwinners- and, as a result, often the decision-makers.

The fifth chapter of Ephesians states that a husband should be the "head of the wife". What does that mean?

Stuart: Paul says that the husband is the head of his wife as "Christ is the head of the church" (5:23). In Ephesians 1, Christ is described as the head "over everything for the church," in other words for the benefit of the church. By that pattern, God has delegated some authority to a husband- making him responsible, accountable- but with a constraint that his leadership is exercised for the benefit of his wife.
A second mention of Christ as the head of the church, in the fourth chapter of Ephesians, describes the head as the "source" from which the whole body derives its sustenance (verses 15,16). By that pattern, while the husband is given some delegated authority to use for his wife's benefit, he also functions as a source of enrichment and encouragement so that she might grow and develop just as the church develops under the headship of Christ.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1999, Winter

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