His & Hers

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for crying out loud, how come guys rarely shed tears during the most tearjerking of movies, while women have been known to tear up over a really good Hallmark commercial? It isn't because men don't experience the same emotional responses, says a recent study conducted at Vanderbilt University. Psychologists there monitored internal and facial responses of men and women watching emotion-tugging clips from various movies. Men and women showed equal responses internally, but the feelings didn't show up on the men's faces.

They Kissed Singleness Goodbye

Joshua Harris's book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Multnomah), has turned into a runaway bestseller. In it, he encourages young adults to quit playing the dating game and instead create a lifestyle of purposeful singleness that can lead to sincere love and true purity. So how did the guy who put singleness on the map end up at the altar last October?

"I came on staff as pastoral intern at Covenant Life Church about three weeks after Shannon became the church secretary," he says. "After about a year, I initiated what we call a courtship."

That means it was a "marriage-intentional" relationship. The big question—did they kiss while dating?

"Shannon and I think kissing shouldn't have legalistic, hard-and-fast rules," Harris says. "Every couple has their own convictions. But we wanted to save up all our passion for marriage. Our first kiss was at the altar."

They've been making up for lost time ever since.

Interviewed by Annette LaPlaca

Define 'Success'

Cooking Light magazine reports that both men and women derive self-esteem from their successes on the job, according to a recent study. But their emotional states—whether they're generally happy or depressed—reflect the quality of their family relationships.

Baby, You Can Call Me Al

The most common terms of endearment, in order:

Honey	48%
Baby	44%
Sweetheart	41%
Dear	39%
Lover	32%
Darling	31%
Sugar	24%
Angel	20%
Pumpkin	13%
Beautiful	6%

950 million Dollars spent on Halloween candy last year

20 million Pounds of candy corn purchased

Health magazine

Let's Do Lunch

You'd never neglect important business clients and still expect to win their business. Azriela Jaffe, founder of a consulting firm for couples in business, recommends treating your spouse as a client. Without clients, a business goes bankrupt. Without a constantly strengthened emotional foundation, your marriage can go bankrupt too.

Between the Covers

Why Opposites Attract

Chuck and Barb Snyder describe themselves as "the world's most opposite couple." They claim the only things they have in common are that they got married on the same day and share the same kids and grandkids. Though incompatibility is a common reason for divorce, in Incompatibility: Still Grounds for a Great Marriage (Multnomah) the Snyders argue that the differences between men and women are what make marriages great.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1999, Fall

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