Recycled

When Joel and Patty Anderson trashed their marital expectations, they found a treasure to hang on to

Annette LaPlaca

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Patty and Joel Anderson look like they have it all. They're Christians. They're talented and artistic. Joel has achieved career success: his design studio is one of the hottest in Nashville, and his children's books have been well received. They have three beautiful sons and a gorgeous brick home built high on a hill. But the Andersons know outside successes don't mean much if you're miserable at home. In 1994, when they'd been married seven years, Patty and Joel reached "the lowest, loneliest point" in their marriage. One night they sat on the couch and agreed they were no longer in love. "That was the end of our marriage as we knew it," says Joel. "You know what? It needed to die." But here they are, five years later, thrilled to be together. How did they do it? By staying together: "For a while, our commitment was all that held us together," says Joel. By getting help: "When you reach a dead end, go to a Christian counselor," says Patty. "A neutral party can see from the outside what's going on in your relationship." By God's grace: "All God's plans are good, and making changes in our marriage brought good growth in all areas of our life," says Joel.

Falling in Love

Joel and Patty met at the Ringling School of Art & Design in Sarasota, Florida. ("There's a Ringling Circus Clown School, too, but we didn't go to that one," says Joel.) Patty had been there a year, studying interior design, when Joel arrived to study design.

Joel was attracted to Patty—but he didn't want to be. "I was praying for a nice Christian girl to come along … "

"And a Jewish girl showed up!" Patty interrupts.

"She didn't fit what I'd asked God for," Joel goes on. "I'd think, 'She swears! She smokes!' But God wouldn't let me forget her."

While Joel and Patty were becoming friends, Patty was facing her own minor crisis. Her parents, who had moved the family to Florida when Patty was in high school, had moved back home to France. "I was all by myself," she says. "I was struggling emotionally." Then along came Joel, talking about spiritual things.

Patty had heard the gospel before—in Catholic boarding school. "In France, education is more important than spiritual things. My parents sent me to a school with a high academic level," she says. "I know now that was the Lord, exposing me to the truth."

Joel invited Patty to a church that just happened to have an outreach ministry for Jewish people. Afterward they attended a Christian movie. "It was like the Holy Spirit turned on the light for me," Patty says.

She immediately hooked up with people who understood her Jewish background. "They discipled me. God provided that little church as the perfect place for me to be nurtured. I really kicked into the faith."

"And I've been playing catch-up ever since," says Joel. "The change in her was amazing."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1999, Summer

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