Marriage Vitamins

Maybe you think it's your marriage that isn't doing well. Could just be your health.

Renae Bottom

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Donna lies awake at 2:30 a.m., her heart racing. Worried thoughts churn through her mind— meetings, errands, work, shopping—how will she get everything done? At 3:30 she moves to the couch and turns on the television. She drifts in and out of sleep until she hears the alarm in the other room.

Her husband, Steve, rolls over and hits the snooze bar. It's 5:00 a.m. Although he's slept for seven hours, Steve feels exhausted. His head is pounding, but he has to get to work to prepare for an afternoon meeting. Two cups of coffee and a quick shower later, Steve heads out the door. He grabs breakfast at the drive-through and takes some aspirin for his headache.

Donna is never hungry for breakfast. She drinks a diet soda on her way to work, once the kids are off to school. Donna is naturally slender, but drinking diet soda allows extra calories for a candy bar in the afternoon. Donna loves chocolate.

Steve hits the drive-through again at lunch. He orders a burger, fries, and a large cola. Before his meeting, his headache returns. A cup of coffee and a leftover roll from the break room get him through, along with three more aspirin. But he wonders why he feels so irritated with everyone around the conference table.

Donna eats a small salad for lunch. By 3:30 a.m. she is so tired that she can barely function. All she can think about is getting to the vending machine for a candy bar and another diet soda.

When Donna and Steve arrive home at 6:30, both feel like zombies. Donna starts dinner and snaps at Steve to lend a hand.

Steve opens a bag of potato chips and complains that there's never any good food in the house. He'd rather order out. The fight is on. The evening ends in disaster.

If this describes an all-too-typical weekday at your house, you're not alone. But help may be nearer than you think, according to Pamela Smith, registered dietician and author of the book, The Energy Edge (Harper Resource).

"The truth is, people are working at a frenzied and a frazzled pace," Pamela says. "Couples come together only when everything else on the to-do list is done. Coming home at the end of the day, they're not just exhausted—they're tightly wired and their blood sugar is in the basement. It causes terrible explosiveness."

In her work as a nutritionist, Pamela consults with clients from all walks of life—corporate executives, professional athletes, teachers, and retirees. She reports that many of them share a similar heartfelt cry: "I am out of energy and out of control of this thing called life!"

Pamela suggests that while medical conditions, sleep problems, and side effects from medication must be ruled out by a doctor, the cause of relentless fatigue is often predictable—a chronic lack of self-care.

"We push our bodies through the day without the right food as though we were cars that could run without gasoline," Pamela says. "We aren't getting enough rest and are being overcome by the stresses of living life. Yet we are too busy or too tired to do anything about it."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2001, Spring

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