When Sleeping Together Drives You Apart
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[1 Comment]Heather threw off the covers in frustration and propelled herself out of bed. For the last forty-five minutes she had repeatedly shoved her husband, Rick, to roll him over and stop his snoring. Her efforts had met with temporary success, but as soon as she would fall asleep again, his snoring would wake her. In defeat, she grabbed her pillow, yanked the blanket off of Rick with a smug smile, and trudged bleary-eyed downstairs to begin another night on the couch.
When we marry, we dream of contentedly drifting off in each others' arms. Yet numerous culprits conspire to rob us of this bliss. Snoring is by far the most common, affecting close to 30% of all marriages. Other people flail in their sleep, leaving their beloveds black and blue. Still others work staggered hours or are repeatedly paged throughout the night. And then there are the little ones, flailers extraordinaire, whom one parent, much to the chagrin of the other, may insist share the bed. Few things disturb sleep more than the presence of a two-year-old.
Every night, for countless couples like Heather and Rick, the sleep wars begin anew. Yet unlike traditional conflicts, one side in this war often doesn't realize the battle is waging. Oblivious to the havoc they're causing, they doze peacefully as their spouses fume.
The Need for Sleep
Even though God designed us to need sleep, sleep problems are rarely considered major health epidemics. Yet Dr. James Maas, author of Power Sleep, says that sleep is a necessity, not a luxury. And it's not just the amount of sleep that's important, it's also the type. Even if you're in bed for ten hours, you may not be able to reach all the stages of sleep if you're constantly jolted awake. You may awaken feeling as if you haven't slept at all. And if you don't reach all the stages of sleep, you'll be prone to more viral infections, mood shifts, and emotional stress. Even your safety is jeopardized. The National Sleep Foundation claims that sleep-deprived drivers cause 100,000 traffic accidents each year.
For most couples in conflict over sleep, these problems affect only one person. Snoring is the only one that can be dangerous at all, as between 5 and 10 percent of snorers have apnea, a condition in which a person temporarily stops breathing, which can be life threatening. Most who disturb their spouses don't hurt themselves—they just keep their spouses awake. These spouses then become grumpy, resentful, and even desperate. And when one partner is chronically sleep deprived, the effects on the marriage can be devastating.
Prerequisites for Sleep
Before we look at solutions, let's look at what causes the problem in the first place. After all, snorers, babies, even flailers wouldn't be a problem if we could all sleep through any disturbance. Yet we can't. As children we learn to associate certain things with falling asleep. If you learn to sleep with silence, it is difficult—if not impossible—to sleep properly in the presence of intermittent noise.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2002, Summer
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Martha
Great post. I find the difficulties and choices made by couples in their sleeping habits to be fascinating. Some people can’t slep away from each other when they’re traveling and others can’t sleep with each when they’re together. You have great insight. I found this blog to have an interesting insight. I stumbled upon it like I came upon yours: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/zzzzzzzz/ Thanks for the post! I’d love to see more. Thanks!
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