Kicking It Up A Notch

Ross and Debbie Radke have turned their faith and their love for martial arts into ministry that's impacting their community.

by Dawn Zemke

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It was a case of dislike at first sight.

As she stood on the mat beside her eight-year-old son, Josh, and listened to Ross Radke bark directions, Debbie quickly formed an opinion of their martial arts instructor. "I thought he was mean," she recalls, grinning at the man who is now her husband of six years. "I didn't like him because I thought he was too rough around the edges."

Debbie was in a particularly vulnerable place in her life. Newly divorced, she was struggling to rear her three young sons while working and attending school. She was also struggling to heal. Months earlier during the winter of 1998, when her car had become stuck in the snow while she was driving home late one night, the passerby she thought had stopped to help had sexually assaulted her.

Later that year, when Josh began taking martial arts classes at the local YMCA in Ottawa, Illinois, Debbie decided to join him. "I wanted to be able to defend myself," she says. "I didn't want to be a victim anymore."

An unexpected twist

What Debbie didn't expect was that she'd grow to enjoy the training, and even excel at it. "It was a perfect fit," she remembers. "I knew it was something practical I could use."

Ross sees a deeper impact. "It gave her a feeling of security," he says. "It empowered her."

Ross, a tenth degree black belt, had grown up with martial arts, trained at a young age by a family friend who'd fought in the Korean War. "I think I was born a martial artist," he says with a grin. Teaching classes like Debbie and Josh's was his dream job.

Though Debbie quickly embraced martial arts, nearly a year passed before she warmed to her instructor. A man she knew from church, who had developed strong feelings for her that she didn't return, had begun stalking her, even breaking into her house to intimidate her. Alone and frightened, she mentioned her troubles to Ross one evening after class. Since he also worked as a part-time private investigator to help pay his bills, Ross volunteered to help.

Working together—changing locks and bumping up the security measures in Debbie's house—they forged a friendship. Dealings with ex-spouses (Ross was also recently divorced), their kids (Ross also has three), and a mutual love of martial arts gave them plenty of topics to discuss—and bond over. Debbie saw a side to Ross that was very different from her gruff instructor. "He let me inside his heart," she says, "and I saw him for who he really was. Outside he's the big tough guy, but inside he's a teddy bear."

Ross asked her out on a date, which was a huge success. "We just clicked," Debbie recalls. "We stayed up all night talking."

That one date turned into many. Debbie began assisting Ross with his classes, eventually graduating to a full instructor with classes of her own. She enjoyed combining her longtime love of teaching with her new love of martial arts. And their relationship deepened.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2007, Winter, Page 48

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