What's the Secret to a Happy Marriage?
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[0 Comment]Earlier this year we asked, "What's your secret to a happy marriage?" We were overwhelmed by your creative responses. Peri Simmons of Tennessee wrote: "When my husband, David, and I were still single, a common whine we used to hear from 'old married couples' was, 'He's (or she's) not the same person I married.' When we got married, we agreed to remind ourselves,This is the same person I married; I just learned something more about him/her." Bill Stonebraker of Montana shared, "If we can't agree on an important issue, both of us pray, 'God, if I'm wrong, change my heart.' Usually God ends up changing both our hearts." Keep reading for more insightful responses.
Laughter
The ability to laugh at ourselves or our situation has allowed us to keep things in perspective over the years. Sure we argue from time to time, but the overall theme of our marriage is joy and laughter.
—Darci and John Engle, Tennessee, married 10 years
Spiritual Discipline
We do a Bible study each morning. We read one verse and give our thoughts on it and how we'll apply it in our lives. It's interesting what we've learned about each other this way. Occasionally we even pick the same verse, which is amazing.
—Steve and Helen Newton, North Carolina, married 12 years
Teamwork
We've always seen ourselves as a team. There isn't a "your side" and a "my side"—it always needs to be "our side." This attitude keeps our entire family strong.
—Cynthia and Jeff Jobe, California, married 25 years
Breathing Room
We allow each other our own space and way of doing things as much as possible. I let him be him and he lets me be me.
—Richard and Ruth Ann Danielson, Washington, married 38 years
Talking
I know this is cliché, but our secret really is communication. Lack of communication at best says, We don't need to talk, we already know everything about each other. How arrogant! A lifetime isn't enough to fully understand each other. At worst it says, I don't think my spouse is worth the effort of trying to understand; I've given up. It's only a short step from there to, We have nothing in common; we might as well end it. So we really make a point of keeping up the talking!
—Jai and Faith-Anne Reid, Ontario, Canada, married 12 years
Prayer
We pray a lot together, for God's protection and blessings in our lives. We've adopted the motto: "I can't change my spouse, but through prayer, God can work on us both."
—Christopher and Carol Tucker, North Carolina, married 19 years
Commitment
Knowing we're in it until death do us part means we're committed to our marriage and know we'll always work to resolve our differences. We made a vow before God, and we know that God's plan is for us to remain together forever.
—Erin and Mark Horaski, Washington, married 14 years
Perspective
Are we arguing to resolve the conflict or win the fight? When we give an honest answer to that question, it helps us put the disagreement in perspective.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2008, Summer, Page 32
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