Can We Be Friends?
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[4 Comments]
AS OUR PLANE touched down in the sweltering airport of San Pedro Sulas, Honduras, my mother-in-law glanced at me with a grin. "Are you ready for this?"
Inwardly, I wasn't too sure. After all, I would be spending the next two weeks with my in-laws, while my husband, Rob, remained in the States to work. We would be visiting Rob's sister, her Honduran husband, and their new baby.
My thoughts flew back to an evening in California just one and a half years earlier, after Rob had proposed and taken me home to meet his parents. Having come from an openly affectionate family, I was taken aback when his mom and dad didn't hug me during the introductions, or even act particularly enthusiastic to meet me. Rob had warned me the way his family expressed love was different from mine—but his reminder did little to ward off my fears about their lukewarm reception.
Now here I was, left nearly alone with a woman whose opinion of me had the power to affect my marriage for better or for worse. Though we'd had many pleasant telephone conversations since Rob and I married, I wasn't quite sure where I stood with her.
Over the next two weeks, as we climbed ancient Mayan ruins, waded in the Caribbean, and laughed over the iguanas literally climbing through the house walls, I discovered more than just a new person to call "Mom." I found a new woman to call "friend."
Our ways of showing love were definitely different. But as we got to know each other, we discovered wonderful similarities. In a tiny mountainside shop we each were drawn to the same brightly colored material. We found ourselves ordering the same meals at restaurants, and discovered we had the same taste in music. Long talks in the evenings revealed we enjoyed many of the same hobbies. We even shared a similar sense of humor!
You
don't
have to
be alike
to like
each
other.
One afternoon I came across a list of hers labeled, "Things to do when I get back to the States." Underneath phrases like "check the mail" and "call Mike and Sharon," I carefully penciled in the words, "send Shawnee chocolate chip cookies," just to do something unexpected to make her laugh. She did laugh, and returned the favor with her own jokes over the next several days.
As I learned during my two weeks in Central America, throwing aside your culturally built-in fear of your mother-in-law is only as difficult as you make it. So how can you take the first step toward finding the friend in your mother-in-law?
Make Contact!
Communication: It's key to any friendship—but especially with the one woman in the world who loves your husband as much as you do. After investing 18 years or more of her life in this man, she's unprepared for him to "disappear" into the world you two create. So the simple act of keeping your mother-in-law informed on the happenings of your daily life with her son will draw her to you like nothing else.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 1999, March/April, Vol. 21, Issue 2, Page 70
Related Topics:
Communication, Friends, Friendship, In-laws, Marriage, Relationships
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Average User Rating:
Mary Brown(Registered User)
Keep trying, but don't expect her to be different. Pray for her and keep offering opportunities to get together, but don't take it personally if/when she continues to be as unresponsive as she has been.
Rebecca
I think the article is very good, but what happens when your mother in law isn't interested in keeping ties up, not even with her son. She only seems to want to be involved with our lives if it's convenient for her. We've tried to reach out on many occasions, but it's always with such an unpredictable response. Any Advice?
abraham
This article is goodfor not only daugthers -in law to build a good relationship with their in-laws but also for sons -in law as well taking the principles outline in this article and applying it in my relationship with my in -laws.with this better relationships can be achieved as well as better and improved marriages and we will see our in-laws as friends and not as obstacles in our marriages and they will see us as partners in the family.
Cindy
This article is so good for newlyweds or women who don't currently have a good relationship with their mother-in-law. I have been truly blessed with my mother-in-law. I usually call her the anti-mother-in-law because she is so opposite the stereotypical m-i-l. Her name is Helen and I love her dearly. She had 3 boys and always wanted a girl. She got 3 girls through her sons and then the Lord blessed her with a grandaughter through each son. She has always been supportive and involved without intruding. I would encourgage women who don't have a good to make the effort. You have no idea what an ally you will gain by getting HIS mom on your side. My husband's mother-in-law treats him like mine does me too. We have always joked that his mom likes me better than him and my mom likes him better than me! Make the most of your relationship--everyone wins.
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