He Said, She Said

I'm not really a workaholic.

Annette LaPlaca

Average Rating: Not rated

[0 Comment]

There are no previous pages

1 of 2

Jeff's side:

I teach communication and leadership at a Christian college. You wouldn't think a professor would have to travel a lot—and you'd think he'd have tons of time in the summer to spend with his family. But that's not how it is for me.

My specialty area is teaching young people to be leaders as Christians and to talk with nonbelievers about their faith. That involves a lot of traveling to work with youth groups, churches and professional associations. Then, part of my job at the college is running a summer institute, where teenagers do intensive sessions in apologetics and leadership. That means summer is my busiest time.

Danielle has been great about hanging in there when I'm away from home. For a while she was working to help us make ends meet. But since our son, Graham, was born, she's often at home 'round-the-clock with all the responsibilities of caring for him. Meanwhile, I'm on the road, which is exhausting too. It's hard on both of us.

Several people have called me a workaholic, but I'm not sure that's really what I am. I know I'm torn between family and work. My job is important—not just because of the ministry aspects, but also because it pays our bills. And it's demanding, especially in terms of time. But unlike a workaholic who is married to the job, my first love and loyalty is Danielle. What could I do differently to make things easier on her?

Danielle's side:

When we were dating, one of the things I admired most about Jeff was how hard he works. He's never lazy, and if he commits to something, he'll get the job done.

Before we got married, I knew his job required a lot of travel. But I didn't realize what it would feel like to have him gone that much. And maybe I subconsciously thought he wouldn't schedule as much travel once we were married. But, of course, his travel schedule was as bad as ever—and then it got worse when he changed jobs and as his ministry grew.

We've kept talking about this problem and tried to stay close despite the schedule. But now that we have Graham, I'm more home-bound and Jeff and I have even less couple time. Sometimes I've felt like a single mom because he's had to work so much.

It's not just the travel. When he's home, he's madly following up from the last trip with correspondence while packing for the next journey. In between he squeezes in some quick home-stuff, like mowing the lawn. It's hard to find time just for us when his work consumes so much of his time.

I know Jeff has to work—not just to provide for us, but also to do the things God is calling him to do. Even though I don't like it when he has to be gone, the rational part of me wants him to pursue these opportunities. Still, it's hard not to become resentful about his work.

next page... |

There are no previous pages

1 of 2

Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1999, Spring

More from Annette LaPlaca :
Kyria.com | Books

Join the Kyria.com Community!

Become a member to have access to the following:

Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women