Basic Training

What really goes on at a weekend marriage seminar? The inside story on two very different approaches

Frederica Mathewes-Green

Average Rating: Not rated

[0 Comment]

There are no previous pages

1 of 7

More than ten years ago, my husband and I attended a Marriage Encounter weekend. The experience was a positive one, so I was interested when the editor of Marriage Partnership asked me to report on two contrasting approaches to marital improvement—the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment and FamilyLife Conferences.

I hadn't heard much about either organization, so I didn't know quite what to expect. I thought the FamilyLife event would be more oriented to '50s-style Ward and June Cleaver marriage, while the Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment would have more of a '90s feel. I was wrong, but in ways I never expected.

Mass Scale Marital Improvement

FamilyLife Conferences don't do things on a modest scale. Rows and rows of chairs—almost enough to accommodate the crowd of 1,600—are set up in the ballroom of a Hyatt Regency Hotel in the Washington, D.C., suburbs. This conference was booked to overflowing, though an identical event was held just three weeks earlier, and the conference staff is negotiating with the hotel for an emergency third edition for the following month. Why the overwhelming demand?

The most significant reason is FamilyLife's high-profile status as a division of Campus Crusade for Christ, which in the past 46 years has touched the lives of hundreds of millions of people throughout the world. With so many people aware of Campus Crusade's work, they can feel comfortable with the style and content of a FamilyLife Conference. The group assembled in the Hyatt ballroom is diverse: newlyweds and elderly people; pregnant women and people using wheelchairs; interracial couples of every combination.

FamilyLife offers the material in its characteristic left-brain way, utilizing outlines and charts.

FamilyLife doesn't hesitate to promote itself, getting its name out through a daily radio program, ongoing neighborhood HomeBuilders groups, a bimonthly magazine and a ceaseless flow of books and tapes. When you spot FamilyLife Dental Floss in your neighborhood pharmacy, you'll know it's time to surrender. Resistance is futile.

Not that some of the men in today's audience aren't trying. "Usually, [attending the conference] is the wife's idea," says Crawford Loritts, one of the weekend's speakers and the director of Campus Crusade's Legacy division, which promotes evangelism and discipleship in the black community. "Men tend to be less emotional, and women have more freedom to express themselves. But the weekend ends up connecting to both [spouses]."

Indeed, when I ask couples why they are here, it's always the wife who speaks up first. Tyus Lewis says she and her husband, Jerald, came "to work on our communication skills." Jerald just studies the carpet with a cryptic smile.

What does he think of the event? "It's fine. Everything's nice. I'm okay," he says. His wife points out, "You can tell I'm the verbal one here." To my direct question, "Were you dragged here?" Jerald puts one finger on his chin. Finally, he says, "I'm here. I'm here."

next page... |

There are no previous pages

1 of 7

Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 1998, Spring

More from Frederica Mathewes-Green:
Kyria.com | Books

Join the Kyria.com Community!

Become a member to have access to the following:

Full access to the bimonthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
50 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
Hundreds of members-only articles for thoughtful, influential women