Would Somebody Please Explain My Husband?
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A well-known Christian author and his wife once summed up their relationship in 13 words: "Put us together, and we add up to a fairly decent human being."
I enjoyed their self-deprecating sense of humor, and only later realized they were rephrasing a profound biblical truth: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
When two people become one, they compensate for each other's deficiencies. If I were left to my own devices, for instance, I'd turn into the Tom Hanks character in Cast Away. But team me up with my wife, Jeanette, the Queen of Sociability, and I turn into a reasonably presentable human being.
While we husbands benefit greatly from being married, we often don't communicate it well. Women are into relational nuances—the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning. Men basically wonder if there are any more mashed potatoes.
One night, Jeanette and I sat quietly, enjoying ourselves in the corner of a candle-lit restaurant. Then, out of nowhere, she looked into my eyes and said, "Let's talk about our relationship." It always makes me nervous when she says that.
Relationships are usually complex, and guys are pretty basic. A husband tends to think in concrete terms. Instead of pondering his marriage, he'll picture the woman he comes home to at night, the woman with whom he has children, the woman with whom he shares his bed. Call that a relationship if you want, but you'll just confuse your husband.
What else about your husband do you wish you understood? Let me toss out seven things that might help explain a few of your husband's odd behaviors.
1A man does more talking—and listening—when he's unaware it's happening. Most guys don't overwhelm their wife with deep inner feelings! However, there's a way to get your husband to share what's going on inside. It involves talking to him the same way his buddies do—while doing something else. Men go fishing, watch a ball game, or help each other move a pool table down to the basement. And of course, they talk a lot while they're doing these things.
For Jeanette and me, all it took was building a wood rack together. I got out the lumber and power tools; Jeanette gathered the nails, screws, and tape measure. Amid the noise and sawdust, she told me she was struggling over whether we should make a long-distance road trip to visit her parents. I'd already told her I'd do whatever she decided, but Jeanette needed to talk out the options. While we built a rack to hold our firewood, we discussed the pros and cons. What else could I do? I had to hang around until we finished the wood rack.
Take it from me. If you start doing more stuff with your husband, you'll find he actually has a lot to say. And he'll listen a lot better, too.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2001, July/August, Vol. 23, Issue 4, Page 50
Related Topics:
Communication, Husbands, Male Behavior, Marriage
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Anonymous
I actually really enjoyed this article. The information was backed up by his personal experience, which I appreciated. The part about clothing was hilarious and fairly spot-on.
MJ
Reading this article makes me think that the author is talking about a different species. Men and women are not cardboard cut-outs. North American men and women are continually socialized through the media, including articles like this one, that men are machismo-seeking, sex-crazed, not clothing-savvy, can't pick up on body-language, sports-obsessed, mechanics of the family who are typically non-verbose. Robyn's comment "another article rife with stereotypes" hits it on the head. As a couple, we have yet to see an article from Kyria that turns any one of these stereotypes on its head.
Anonymous
"An unkind remark always hurts" ?? Not necessarily. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make me feel inferior without my permission." If you call me by the wrong name, I don't answer. If I have a humble confidence in who I am and you make an "unkind" remark, I might respond by saying: "That's interesting that you have made that observation. Maybe you know something about me that I am not aware of. Can you tell me more?" This gives me an opportunity to grow.
Patrick
This article is incredibly condescending and childish. Stereotypical tripe. Men are not caricatures, and articles like this "Har har men like trucks and women like flowers" are just trash perpetuating an unhealthy view of men and women.
Anonymous
God blessed us with being such different beings!! When we come together its awesome we level one another out!!
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