On the Road Again
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When I married Jim, my husband of 35 years, I also married a suitcase. That's because Jim's first career, in the Coast Guard, included travel. Now, in a second career doing shipyard development, Jim meets with clients on every continent for long periods of time. I quickly discovered our marriage and life with our five children couldn't be placed on hold until Jim got back home.
Others struggle with the same lifestyle. According to airline figures, 48 percent of U.S. carriers' 1.4 million passengers are business travelers. The trucking industry's most frequent complaint from drivers is that they spend too much time away from home.
Because of Jim's frequent absences, our marriage challenges the biblical ideal of two people becoming one (Genesis 2:24). We've learned to rely on God and develop strategies to remain close. A great marriage, with frequent separations, takes effort. Here are some ways my husband and I stay connected.
The Fine Art of Negotiation
Preparation makes our separations easier. Jim and I have worked out a budget we both understand: I pay the bills, but together we set spending and saving goals. Jim gives me his itinerary before departure, and I fill in a calendar for him with everyone's activities so we know what's happening in our separate worlds.
We plan ahead for momentous events that must be missed. When Jim cruised oceans, I mailed him special care packages. Once, when I was seven months pregnant, I sent him a balloon with a note, "Blow this up to discover how I'm doing." As he inflated the balloon, words grew, proclaiming, "I'm expanding."
Before Jim leaves on a business trip, we set rules for disciplining our five children. These include no sweets for complainers and early bedtime the following night for anyone who fails to go to bed on time. Also, activities with friends come only after chores are done and rooms are cleaned. Poor grades mean loss of phone privileges.
We've also established a network of friends who can help us out when one of us is out of town. During one separation, our kitchen sink overflowed and the oven broke. I called two men from Jim's Bible study, and they repaired everything.
Without continuous communication, however, all the advanced planning in the world can't keep a relationship strong. It's critical to keeping the family aware of what's happening while we're apart.
Those Ties That Bind
Jim and I want to feel each other's presence even when he's away, and we desire that our children sense his abiding love as well. So I've mailed audiotapes of our dinner conversations so Jim can hear the kids' daily news. I show family videos of Jim in his absence. Sometimes before trips, Jim records himself reading bedtime stories. Each evening, after tucking the children in, I turn on a tape for them, and they drift to sleep listening to Daddy.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2003, March/April, Vol. 25, Issue 2, Page 66
Related Topics:
Communication, Intimacy, Marriage, parenting, Separation
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