Penning a Marriage
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"I can't argue with you. You talk so fast, I don't get a chance to think of what to say before you make a new argument." Those were the words of my frustrated husband as he walked from the room.
He was right. There was nothing fair about Roger, a quiet man who carefully considered his words before uttering them, trying to keep up in a heated conversation with me, a woman who had a career in public speaking. We had to find a different way to air our complaints.
Journal of discovery
Ten years earlier we'd been high school teachers in love. Every day I'd slip love notes into his mailbox in the teacher's lounge and would eagerly return to my box to retrieve a message from him.
Remembering those special moments gave me an idea for a solution to our current communication breakdown. I decided to write Roger a letter in a journal and leave it on his pillow. When I went to bed that night, I was surprised to find the journal not only moved to my pillow, but a letter from Roger inside. That began 18 years of interactive journals that now live on a special bookshelf in our home. Those journals are filled with stories of love, appreciation, anger, humor, and cherished memories.
The journals became the instruments by which I discovered the real man I married. I tremble when I think what I might have missed if Roger had not penned his feelings and thoughts to me over the years. When I was out of town on business every week, his written words revealed his frustration that I was taking too much time away from my family. While I knew my schedule was difficult on my husband and sons, it was the words Roger put in the journal that helped me understand how necessary my presence was, not just for what I did to maintain order, but to emotionally support my family.
Writing daily letters to Roger has blessed me with the opportunity to share things I'd ordinarily not express. Thoughts of how I feel about his support, his husband and parenting skills, and the gratitude I have for him would have been lost if I had not paused to take the time to write them. Spending a few minutes writing a brief letter to the man God has blessed me with gives him the daily gift of my feelings for him. It's a wonderful bonus to receive a daily note from him in return. What woman wouldn't want to read, Sorry I didn't have a chance to write this morning before I left. I just can't go to bed without writing down how filled with love I was when I looked across the table tonight and you were encouraging our boys with that beautiful smile. Sleep tonight knowing you are treasured.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2006, Spring, Page 22
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Average User Rating:
Abigail
A note to thank you for sharing this wonderful life story. Will you please continue sharing so that many other lives can be touched. The sudden death of this couple deeply touched me, but my consolation and joy is that they have been ushered into heaven, and that they live on to impact many lives still here on earth's journey.
emmy
i love this article it has reminded me of my grandmother who cant make me out anymore,i have to visit her more because i remember how she has been there for me.may betty and rogers soul rest in perfect peace
Seun
I read this article with tears in my eyes. I have learnt a big lesson that i'll implement in my marriage. Furthermore, sad as it is dont you think God took Becky and her husband away instantly so he wont leave so slowlya nd painfully? God honours the love we share in marriage.
Inspired
I, too, am truly blessed by this article. It sheds light on the fact that my husband and I email and write letters as an extended way of communicating during difficult times, and I am now inspired to keep a journal to document our journey. It's sad to hear the tragic end of Becky and Roger's earthly life, but I too know that they are together in glory, with all of their memories of growth, love, and inspiration to others.
Melissa
I have been blessed by this article, and inspired to begin a journal with my own husband. I have no doubt Becky and Roger are praising our Heavenly Father in their perfect bodies, with their perfect memories. Thank you for sharing this article and story.
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