Handling Hidden Differences

The way you resolve your tensions now can build a better marriage for years to come.

Jim Killam

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For a young, insanely busy couple, the idea of marriage and family life one day slowing down sounds attractive. Someday, you tell yourselves, we'll have time to take long walks and have long talks.

Wait a minute. We'll have time to take long walks and have long talks?! That could mean ….

Yup. All those uncomfortable conversations, those squabbles you didn't bother to resolve over the years, might show up again.

All those times she ran up the credit card bill without telling you … and then you never really talked it out? His preoccupation with sports on tv when you needed help with the kids … but you got tired of fighting about it? If either of you got angry about something—1 time or 100 times—and then didn't resolve it with your spouse, guess what? That anger is still there—in the form of a time bomb, with the clock set for the second half of your marriage.

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2003, Spring

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