Kyria

Search by Name

Advanced Search
Location & Setting
Majors & Degrees
Enrollment
Athletics
List All Schools

Helpful Articles
Prepare for College
Pay for College
Life at College

Average Rating: Not rated

His description sounds about right for those of us who have struggled with anger in our marriages. But then Chapman goes on to write something downright startling: "Anger is not evil; anger is not sinful; anger is not part of our fallen nature; anger is not Satan at work in our lives. Quite the contrary. Anger is evidence that we are made in God's image; it demonstrates that we still have some concern for justice and righteousness despite our fallen estate."

So what are we to believe—that anger erects barriers between loved ones or that it's part of God's holy imprint on us? Both, says Chapman, a pastor, counselor and popular seminar leader. Knowing there had to be a lot more to it, we asked him to clarify the sources of anger, its effects on marriage and what we should do about it. Here's what he had to say.

You maintain that anger isn't the evil force we assume it to be, but it still wreaks a lot of havoc in marriage. What are we to make of that?

Well, let's be honest and recognize that anger, like every other gift from God, has been distorted by sin. That's what causes problems. It's that "distorted anger" that we don't know how to deal with.

Where do we go wrong in the ways that we tend to handle anger?

Anger should be motivated by our sense of outrage over a wrong that someone else commits. However, we often lash out at a loved one who hasn't done anything wrong. This is usually caused by a misapplication of pent-up anger. Think about the husband—who's frustrated because his car won't start—blowing up at his wife when she suggests they ask her brother, the mechanic, for some help.

So what made this guy lash out?

He was acting on distorted anger. He had pent-up frustration over his inability to fix the car, and maybe even pent-up anger over his wife's seeming dependence on her family. This pent-up anger is sinful. Ephesians 4:26 says, "'In your anger do not sin': Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."

The mistake is that many Christians believe any anger is sinful, so we don't admit it. But by denying it, we fail to process it. And this failure to process anger builds resentment, bitterness and hate.

We've all seen the destructive forces of anger in our society, but that's not God's intention. I really believe that God wants anger to be used to correct wrongs and to bring about good, not destruction. God also intends anger to be a visitor, not a resident. If we can learn how to make it a visitor that comes and goes, and not let it live in our hearts, we'll create a climate in our marriages and families where we can deal in a positive way with things that go wrong.

• E-mail this page
• Print this article
• Post a comment
• Share this page

Rate & Comment on this article *

Choose star rating:

Low

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• 5

High

Low

High

Be sure to click Submit when finished

Name:

Email:

Send me the free Kyria newsletter

1000 character limit

Your Comment:

Type these two words:Type what you hear:

I can't readhear these words | Use an audio clip insteadUse an image instead

Service provided by reCAPTCHA

* Comments may be edited for tone and clarity.

free newsletters

Kyria

Gifted for Leadership

Kyria's Marriage Partnership

Encouraging Words Daily Devotional for Women

Kyria's ParentConnect

Full Name

E-mail Address

Zip/Postal Code

Subscribe to the selected newsletters.