Simple Gifts

What cereal boxes and straightened shoes taught me about love

By Merry Marinello

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"What are you doing?" I exclaimed with a laugh as my husband, Dave, stood at the kitchen cabinets busily restacking our cereal boxes. I'd put away those same boxes that afternoon after shopping.

"You do this on purpose, don't you?" I saw the sparkle in his eyes.

I had no idea what he was talking about. Apparently, for the first seven years of our marriage, Dave believed that I put the cereal away upside down and backwards just to get his goat! And unbeknownst to me, my husband had, for those same seven years, quietly restocked the pantry with the cereal boxes right side up, labels facing out.

"Is this just a pet peeve you have?" I asked, still laughing.

"Nope," he said. "Since you often make our breakfasts, I figured I could pitch in and make the viewing easier, so you can read them and know what you have."

His words triggered an epiphany: that's the way my husband shows love.

When I worked to put him through seminary, he made my lunch every day without fail. He used to tell me, "Don't tell the other wives I do that, cause you'll get me in trouble with the husbands!"

I didn't know when I married Dave that he was a cereal-stacking, sandwich-making, what-can-I-do-for-you kind of lover. I'm in awe of my husband's ability to reach out to me and to others on a practical level.

Unfortunately, he didn't marry someone like him. I have a great knack for not seeing what people need.

The stretching begins

Not long after that day, someone at church introduced us to Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages. The book's premise sounded great—find out what "love language" your spouse speaks. Then you love him in his language, he loves you in yours, and your marriage will flourish. What could be better?

After finding out the language options—physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, and quality time—we decided to pick our top two favorites and talk about them.

Immediately I went for the last two—gifts and quality time. I think the best present in the world is my husband's undivided attention.

I was feeling pretty good about this whole experience. Until Dave listed his top two languages: physical touch and acts of service.

>Acts of service? I thought and groaned inwardly. Couldn't he pick something better than that—especially since I'm a charter member of the "messies"? I just look at a room and it falls apart. I looked around our disorganized house. I thought about washing, drying, folding, and putting away his laundry. How in the world will I ever get my act together enough to meet his love need? I wondered.

I could feel a sulk coming on. Well, this is going to be a bust, I thought. Our marriage will never grow.

Then I looked at Dave. He had the same expression on his face!

"What are you thinking?" I asked him.

"Well," he started, tentatively, "you picked gifts as one of your love languages."

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Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2005, Spring, Page 47

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