Pushy Wives and Pushover Husbands
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[0 Comment]In the beginning was Eve, that foodie from Genesis 3, who "gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate" (Genesis 3:6). To be fair, Eve simply handed over the fruit; she didn't insist that Adam chow down. At least, not in writing.
Not so with the three matriarchs. Sarai clearly told Abram, "Go, sleep with my maidservant" (Genesis 16:2), Rebekah whined to Isaac, "I'm disgusted with living" (Genesis 27:46), and Rachel railed at Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!" (Genesis 30:1). Drama queens, all, and very 21st-century in the way they managed their mild-mannered husbands.
Sarai says "Go"
Considering Sarai's plight, it's easy to empathize with her: "Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children" (Genesis 16:1). In a time and place when a woman's worth was measured solely by her ability to produce sons, 75-year-old Sarai was running out of options.
She'd been exceedingly patient—with her husband, with her God, with her barrenness—from the day she married. If her patience was running thin, no wonder. If her faith was starting to wane, who could fault her? Silent in the biblical account until this moment, Sarai finally spoke up and said to Abram, "The Lord has kept me from having children" (Genesis 16:2).
So far, so good. She wasn't blaming God, simply acknowledging his sovereignty. If she'd called out to God for strength, prayed to God for direction, or pleaded with God to open her womb, we'd have praised her as the model wife.
But Sarai didn't call on God. Instead, Sarai cast her gaze toward an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar, a handy remedy for the Abe-needs-an-heir problem, and said to her husband, "Go, sleep with my maidservant" (Genesis 16:2).
Go what?!
Scandalous as her plan appears, Sarai didn't come up with this on her own. An Assyrian marriage contract, dating from around 1900 bc, required the wife to purchase a slave woman for her husband if a child was not produced after two years of marriage.
But God didn't call us to follow the culture. He set us apart, as he did this ancient couple, promising Abram, "I will make you into a great nation" (Genesis 12:2).
"I will make," not "Sarai will make."
Abram says zip
Of course, Abram still had to comply with his wife's audacious plan. A man who had spoken with God, who had faith in God's word, and who'd been declared righteous by a grace-giving God—surely this man would refuse to sin so egregiously.
"Abram agreed to what Sarai said" (Genesis 16:2).
No resistance? No discussion? No seeking God's blessing before proceeding with this no-no? Well … no.
Truth is, women often get what we want through not-so-subtle persuasion, verbal agility, and emotional expression. At least, that's how it works in my marriage. My husband and I live in the old farmhouse I fell in love with and drive the Toyota I picked out.
Originally published in: Marriage Partnership, 2008, Spring, Page 20
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