Across the Aisle
You almost missed this moment, I sensed God speak to my heart as I watched my friend's two little boys, Ben and Zach, dashing excitedly through my sprinkler one lazy summer day. Amidst their squeals of delight, I was overcome with emotion as I grasped God's implication about the power of my choices.
I'm blessed to have close friendships with several families. That might not seem unusual, except that I'm a never–married 50–year–old with no kids. My lifestyle differs greatly from my married friends', so relationships across the marital aisle don't come naturally.
While this social divide is understandable, it certainly isn't biblical. In the early church, believers didn't distinguish between marrieds and singles; they simply lived in community and "gave to anyone as he had need" (Acts 2:45). God intends his church to unite despite the many cultural differences separating it: There "should be no division in the body, but … its parts should have equal concern for each other" (1 Corinthians 12:25).
To follow this biblical pattern, my married friends and I had to push through obstacles that would have robbed us of treasured relationships. While I wanted to draw close to these dear souls, at the same time I wanted to withdraw from them to avoid facing what
I didn't have: a husband, children, and a seemingly endless social circle. I wrestled with an internal tug–of–war between opposing inclinations: I want to be with you—I can't bear to be with you. I loved the friends, but hated the painful reminders. So I had to make intentional choices not to run away from married friends.
And they had to figure out how to fit me into their ever–changing social structure. Significant life transitions, such as marrying, having a first baby, and then having multiple children, challenged our relational dynamic. With each transition, my friends' social circles and extended family widened, leaving us fewer opportunities to spend time together.
Had I decided to give up on these relationships because of their challenges, I'd have missed out on priceless joys. Joys as common as sitting around the family table, or as extraordinary as witnessing the birth of a friend's child.
I didn't have a road map for how to maintain lasting friendships between singles and couples. I had to pioneer the way. Here's what I've learned about how to reach a hand of friendship across the marital aisle.
Look for commonalities. I don't write off a potential friend simply because she's married and I'm not. Instead, I focus on the fact we both love Jesus, gardening, and old movies. I love the outdoors and have gone on camping and skiing weekends with whole families. I play tennis with my girlfriends, married or not. Any relationship has its differences, so why should a difference in marital status have more weight than others? I strive to embrace our differences, and enjoy our unique similarities.
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